Side Effects : Viewing Court Painter Works

A public service article

Viewing the art of Court Painter can enhance lives, but it can also come with unwanted side effects. It’s important to remember that not all his paintings are “viewer” safe.

With record numbers of viewers suffering or having near death experiences as a result of ‘art fuelled’ side effects, many wonder why art of this nature and considered dangerous is allowed on the market. The truth is that nearly all of Court Painter’s work, both over-the-internet and in the studio, have some kind of undesirable and sometimes dangerous aftereffects, from eye aches to near death experiences. Even with the federal art regulations that oversee undesirable paintings, side effects are inevitable. For federal art regulators, though, the benefits sometimes outweigh the dangers. Even though art works are supposed to undergo stringent testing and clinical trials, federal art regulators allow a level of side effects. In addition, most side effects vary from person to person, depending on the exposure to the art work, the viewers tastes,age, weight, gender, ethnicity and bank account. Art studios are expected to report problems. Unfortunately, it’s a system that is ripe for abuse.

Serious Side Effects

In addition to common side effects, many Court Painter art works have been found to cause dangerous side effects. If an art work has numerous problems, the art regulators can add warnings to labels next to each painting, including its stringent black-box warning. In rare cases, the work is painted over or the canvas is removed from the stretcher.

Near Death Experience

Viewing Court Painter works up close has been known to cause either slow or immediate near death experiences. Sometimes this close up and personal viewing stimulates allergic reactions that cause anything from itching to an anaphylactic response, which can lead to fainting or pants wetting.

Other viewings at just before dawn may cause some to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily consider, including lighting up a smoke!

Physical Debilitation

Court Painter viewings at sunset can be physically and emotionally debilitating, including causing total or partial paralysis or severe pain. This includes headaches, stomachaches, earaches,flat feet and decreased control over bodily functions like pants wetting or on rare occasions a #2 event.

Sometimes these side effects are caused by the art works numbing effect on the area of the brain responsible for pain perception and is also linked to unexpected muscle pain and loss of muscle coordination which can lead to dancing particularly among caucasian art aficionados.

Heart Conditions

Problems related to the heart, including heart attacks, congestive heart failure, lifelong heart damage and cardiomyopathy, have been linked to a few of Court Painter’s more sentimental painterly expressions of known political figures. Sometimes they cause an increase in water-weight gain, which often necessitates investment in an entirely new wardrobe. Over exposure to staring for long periods in front of Court Painter works have been proven to be so risky that insurers refuse to insure his art fans.

Stroke

Described as the rapid loss of brain function due to a blood flow disturbance, strokes have been linked to several erotic subjects that Court Painter keeps behind the curtain in his studio. In some cases, viewing alone can cause blood clots to form.When these clots move through the body, they can block the blood flow to the brain and it may be game over for any further gallery hopping.

Sneezing

Probably one of the most shocking and overwhelming side effects of viewing Court Painter works at close range is sneezing. Perhaps that’s because most people spend their lives avoiding known carcinogens, such as cigarette smoke which by coincidence permeate all of Court Painter’s magnificent artistic output. When viewers learn that even proximity to the paintings can be carcinogenic and sneeze producing, they often feel angry ,misled and conflicted.

Dizziness

While dizziness may not seem like a serious side effect, it can have grave consequences. For elderly patrons or those already unsteady on their feet, random dizziness in Court Painter’s studio can cause a fall that could lead to broken wine bottles and interfere with other visitors looking for an enjoyable art experience. All art viewers should be acutely aware of any vertigo-like feelings and remove themselves from the premises, pronto!

Common Side Effects

Some of Court Painter’s most socially relevant paintings have been linked to other significant side effects, including losing the sense of taste, amnesia, sight loss and hallucinations. For all viewers and fans, the best way to combat all of these problems is to carefully tread lightly while looking and ask the Press Attache A Hardon Mackay detailed questions.

Possibly the most common side effects of any of Court Painter’s oeuvre are gastrointestinal issues, including nausea, constipation and diarrhea. Other common aftereffects when leaving the studio include drowsiness, pain and skin reactions.

And Finally Nausea

While nausea and vomiting aren’t considered deadly side effects, they can cause a cascade of point of sale problems, especially in the elderly or those art collectors already reaching for their credit cards. The resulting dehydration, internal bleeding and esophageal rupture can result in the sale not proceeding.

Court Painter & his Press Attache dread when this happens and often have to close the studio early for maintenance.

Phone ahead!