At the White House on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Donald Trump and his family found themselves surrounded by a collection of museum-quality paintings, exquisite furniture and historic fixtures.

Trump — known for his love of grandeur and over-the-top living conditions and awakening appreciation of U.S. history– has decided to change and update the residence while at the same time preserving the collection of Confederate monuments and statues that are flooding the market. As an added decor punch his private collection of flags will festoon the halls of the White House. When asked about the provenience of the flags the President responded that they were all previously owned by “some very fine people.”

Most of the changes will occur on the second and third floors of the mansion; the Lincoln Room and the Yellow Oval Room will remain off-limits which prompted Trump to wryly note, “Not if I can help it.”

Taking advantage of his exclusive rights to make artistic use of the high-tech, light-reflecting paint Alt Right Bright White, the President Elect Donald J Trump has covered the entire surface of all the paintings in the White House with it. The result,is a reminder to all citizens and guests what an enduring tradition the Power of White has had for the world’s Greatest Democracy. The Donald acknowledges this artistic program to Make America Bright White Again is a far cry from what citizens and tourists have come to love  however he was swept in on a change vote and “change it’s gonna be.”

Trump will not work with a White House curator. “To ensure the previously tainted taste of the Alt Left does not continue to contaminate the people’s house; under my guidance the suppressed history and culture of these white men, many with their pet horses will be preserved because I know history bigly, museum collecting terrifically and I am on the Alt Right side of history.”

“I am also considering an idea I floated to the Obama administration to build a $100 million ballroom inside the executive mansion, a terrific idea and a beautiful setting for my beautiful monuments and flags. Meanwhile I am busy placing the statues and flags in flattering light and advantageous sight lines for huge impact.”

Trump has previously insisted that if he made it to the White House, he wouldn’t make too many alterations to the West Wing. In an interview last year in People magazine, he said he would “maybe touch it up a little bit.”

“But the White House is a special place, and the availably of the Confederate monuments and my flag collection demand a revisionist revamp of the people’s house. History cannot be denied.” Trump said emphatically.

“I know I will be criticized by fake historians and fake news but I want to remind everyone that lavish purchases have come under scrutiny in the past. In 1861, first lady Mary Todd Lincoln ordered a new china tableware for the White House. Although she spent less than her successors, the country at that time was bracing for war and any spending appeared frivolous. In the midst of the Great Depression, first lady Eleanor Roosevelt announced a plan to order a 1,000-piece china service. In 1981, Nancy Reagan made a china purchase while government budget cuts were being implemented. Both these decisions were met with disapproval, with Reagan’s purchase later called the “china crisis.” My China crisis is the climate change fib perpetuated by China to bankrupt America and my golf courses.”

Of the many pieces of art associated with the White House: the famous portrait of George Washington painted by Gilbert Stuart in 1797, and later saved by first lady Dolley Madison as British soldiers approached the nation’s capital and burned it to the ground.

In a move applauded by “some very fine people” Trump has announced that a larger portrait of General Robert E. Lee will be placed next to the George Washington portrait.