Month: July 2016

Conrad Black endorses Court Painter
‘Honored to be your friend,’ writes The Lord Black of Crossharbour



Calgary AB — The Court Painter hasn’t received too many ringing endorsements from famous conservative elites — but he’s just received praise from one Canadians know well.
Conrad Black has penned a piece titled, “The Court Painter Is The Good Guy,” for the conservative National Review. It apparently delighted his old pal, who’s currently leading national polls for the best darned  portrait painter of the political elite in the Great Dominion.
“What an honour to read your piece,” the Court Painter  faxed to the Canadian-born former media baron and felon. “As one of the truly great intellects & my friend, I won’t forget!”



The Lord Black of Crossharbour, his official title as a British peer, retorted: “Many thanks, and all good wishes in helping to clean up the Alberta art scene. Honored to be your friend.”

The Calgary art establishment is reportedly mortified by the prospect the Court Painter might win the court of public opinion prize for the best darned portrait painter of the political elite in the Great Dominion.
Polls suggest the art celebrity is less popular with wealthy people, and far less popular with those holding an art college degree than with the working class.
But his affluent admirer deployed his considerable linguistic arsenal in defence of the Court Painter, in a piece that featured Latin and French words and such verbal amuse-bouches as “clangorous,” “apercus,” “reminiscences,” and “mendacious.”

The basic premise of Black’s piece was that the Court Painter is being unfairly smeared by the art establishment and lame stream art media, whom Black accuses of dishonestly with distorted reviews of his dear friend’s pictorial prowess and paint application.



He describes the Court Painter as a threat to the corrupt art system where members of art associations represent corporate hobbyists and media that unfairly tar creatives like the Court Painter.
Black went on to list a number of the Court Painters paintings he described as reasonable. The list includes numerous flattering renderings of his close friends that by definition include the pompous personas that inhabit the vast political wilderness across the Great Dominion.
But the list is selective and Lord Black of Crossharbour simply describes his choices in terms of clangorous up the apercus and reminiscent of the mendacious.
However on the whole, he gives high marks to his slum-dwelling friend.
“(He) is striking very close to the heart of the Great Dominion’s persisting pernicious political portraiture problem: the corrupt, dysfunctional artistic system and the dishonest lame stream art media,” Black wrote in longhand with a quill pen.



“To adapt Banff naturalist A Hardon Mackay’s old phrase, he has shaken the Great Dominion’s pernicious political portrait system ‘by the eyeteeth,’ and it will be better for it.”

As if Canadians haven’t had enough fun watching the flurry of international media attention paid to our apparently handsome Court Painter, he now appears to have earned the most important stamp of approval in fashion: that of Anna Wintour, the legendary editor of Vogue magazine.


Court Painter’s Press Attache A Hardon Mackay made sure that the magazine dispatched a photographer to snap the Court Painter in his decrepit single car garage Inglewood studio last week. The studio was closed for several hours during the shoot.

(UPDATE: the studio says the shoot took less than an hour, but  was closed to public tours for several hours because the Court Painter’s  many unpaid buxom studio assistants were holding a wildcat strike. 
The studio was closed to patrons,politicians, and collectors due to the photo shoot and the wildcat thingy).

The fashion photos are expected to appear in the January issue.
Wintour’s power in the fashion industry is legendary. It’s widely believed she is the inspiration behind the new Court Painter fashion book and animated movie, The Court Painter Wears Prada Short Pants .


The U.S. fashion magazine first took notice earlier this month when it blogged about Canada’s feminist Court Painter.
In spite of the obvious publicity the Court Painter refused to confirm the photo shoot and didn’t answer questions about whether it was American Vogue or one of the international editions.

It’s not the first time Condé Nast, the parent company of Vogue, has noticed the Court Painter. He was featured in Vanity Fair a year ago, well ahead of his firing by ex Prime Minister Harper on Oct. 19. That shoot also took place in his Inglewood studio, a breathtaking Gothic piece of crap quite near to the tracks. It’s the only part of an original 4 buggy garage left after a fire destroyed the rest in 1916.


Earlier this month, Canadian Art featured the Court Painter as a Corn Husk doll.


Court Painter Reaches Peak Court Painter in His Video About Feminism

The Great Dominion’s Court Painter is a total dreamboat as far as Canadian portrait painters go. He’s almost too perfect: Much has been made of his luscious shiny dome, comfort with baby alley cats and pandas alike, and hope-y change-y art politics. He personally distributes winter jackets to other artists! He inspires fantasies with Aynd Rand!


And of course, because he is the Court Painter “I’ve recruited 2 unpaid female Studio Assistants because it’s 2015” , he blathers on about feminism whenever he gets a chance.


In a new video from Nelson Auteur www.nelsonauteur.com , Court Painter chats with somebody off camera about gender equity, clay and plaster modeling ,and being a working artist among the unwashed in Inglewood.It’s a picture of Court Painter at peak Court Painter. “I talk about the fact that I’m a feminist as often as I can, and every time I do, it gets a huge groan in my studio and the media reacts, and the Twitterverse explodes,” he says. “I will keep saying that until there are no more groans … ‘cause that’s where I want to get to. It’s just—if you’re a progressive portraitist as I am, you really should be liked by the gals ‘cause it’s about equality, it’s about respect, it’s about making sure the unpaid studio interns keep comin’.”

You can almost smell the earnest goodwill dripping from his pores like maple syrup.
Court Painter makes himself out to be the progressive portraitist of the 21st century. He frets over the fact that his studio job means that he has less time to spend at the Ship & Anchor watching girl sports and placing bets with his buddies.He freaks out when he sees his Press Attache judging women in a fashion magazine and proceeds to recount stories when he to found unacceptable blemishes that offended his male gaze.

Let’s all commend the Great Dominion for having a self-aware feminist alley cat-cuddling Court Painter while we consider our future of art gazing while avoiding purchases.
Reprints of this article are unavailable.

With : A Hardon MacKay Press Attache to the Court Painter
 Images taken during recent contract negotiations

The Court Painter’s successful artistic career is not close to being over. His last, great portraits of Wildrose MP Derek Fildebrant were, true to form, exactly what we would have expected from the Great Dominion’s preeminent portraitist of the political crass.


Court Painter speaks about his successes, and not his failures. He lovingly talks about his celebrity, but shows little emotion with a drink in his hand. He doesn’t get into the past, but speaks about the positive future for his studio and the Canadian political portrait movement.
To anyone who knows him, this isn’t a big surprise.
Court Painter has always been a professional, and not a populist painter. He has a set structure for palette, paint handling ,lighting and pricing. This is his comfort zone — he plays it close to the smock and sees absolutely no need to change anything.
Fair enough.
The shame of it is, there are still many mysteries surrounding this Court Painter. Great books about the Court Painter’s celebrity life and career have yet to be written to lift the veil of mystery and scandal. Much remains hidden beneath his paint encrusted smock and leather hat.

I continue to add to the fond memories of my  boss. Like other studio members and various inner circle riff raff over the years, we continue witnessing private studio romps that are rather captivating in nature. There are times that I wish he would let down his guard, if but for a fleeting moment, to let others see what we usually saw.(Photos and videos available upon request for a small fee+ handling and shipping+ the signing of a confidentiality agreement)
For example, Court Painter has a great sense of humour but poor timing.
While he often presents himself as a stoic and serious artistic intellectual, he is quite pitifully funny behind the scenes in his decrepit Inglewood studio. He cracks jokes cribbed from a dog eared 50’s off colour joke book about everything from world events to naughty mishaps at the Ship & Anchor pub. He would do bad impressions every so often of his nemesis Chris Cran ( catching perfectly Cran’s lisp and bow legged gait) and, out of nowhere, throw in a sudden bit of light-hearted banter that eased the tension after firing yet one more leggy studio intern.
Alas, he rarely likes to show this side of himself in public. His rants rarely contain many jokes, and he would regularly bomb trying out humorous lines and ill conceived knock knock jokes that were usually about knockers and not fit for mixed company.
I know this from personal experience.

Alas,one likely doesn’t believe a professional portraitist of the Great Dominion’s political pontificators should act in such a manner. Yet, humour has worked remarkably well for some artists (Chris Cran’s fashion sense and one liners).I don’t think it would hurt Court Painter’s image in the slightest to just lighten up a bit in public.
Court painter also enjoys talking about art, music ,pole dancing and other forms of culture. While some people claimed he is vehemently opposed to the arts community, nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, Court Painter is always interested in learning more about great imposters, painters of fakes and dime store novelists, among other things that touch on the filthy and mundane.
Court Painter is also a great fan — along with myself — of reruns of Tugboat Annie. We faithfully watch this show together each week, and enjoy the historical, political, scientific and intellectual aspects contained in it. He even had a bit role in one episode in which he was Tugboat Annie’s love interest.
Meanwhile, there’s a warm, welcoming nature to Court Painter’s character that is mostly hidden from the public eye.

He has faith in my unpaid Press Attache and chief strategist abilities,”you da man” he often says. I am included in studio clean up policy discussions, debates about who picks up the morning coffee, and bar chats about hockey legends. He is always interested in hearing about a good exhibition catalogue and articles that include him — and often asks me to read them out loud and expound on them which always begins with reading his resume. He would listen faithfully to my thoughts and ideas, even though he ultimately didn’t use any of them….ever!
For a man who doesn’t have many close confidants, these moments were to be treasured.
My hope is, one day, the Court Painter will create a self illustrated graphic novel and spill the beans on what is an unending sordid story of debauchery at the highest level of the Great Dominion’s arts and political upper echelon. There are many great censored tales still left to be told. I just hope he includes me in one naughty tale!

Rebuilding Court Painter’s studio will take work, says Preston Manning


“We asked Canadians what’s most important to you about the Court Painter on a scale of one to 10?” said Manning, the former leader of the Reform Party.
“Honesty, transparency, empathy, character and a new studio trumped everything else. And I think there’s a lesson in that, not just for the Conservatives, but for every political party who love artists like the Conservative Party. That you can have good brush work, fine rendering skills and paintings that look like they took a lot of time, but if you don’t appear to have those characteristics and inspire trust in the resale value and fair commission fees, the rest almost doesn’t matter.”

The task of rebuilding the Court Painter’s studio is a momentous one, Manning acknowledged, and it will require coming up with building code alternatives beyond just the fiscal management that right-of-centre non objective painters tend to emphasize. The same is true of everybody who is anybody including that southern neighbour Tea Party guy the former Speaker of the House Andrew Sheer introduced as a great supporter of conservative values along with Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio.Anyway lets not digress!
“What’s a constructive alternative on good drawing, fine brushwork and well chosen schmoozing of subjects which are the three biggest areas of the portrait business if you’re in a position of being the Court Painter,” he said. “And what’s your alternative on the sales and commission fee environment?”

Manning also addressed the rise of populist artists like Chris Cran, saying there’s a danger in promoting an artist simply because he is the polar opposite of the Court Painter in looks, manners, value on the dollar and celebrity look alike Buzzfeed hits.
“A little bit like in Banff, (which) went looking for the opposite of Grizzly Adams and got A Hardon MacKay.”


Translation by Johnne. A. Wille  Jr. from Iowa patois

The artistic man, who, blasé though he may be, has no occupation in life but to chase along the highway of happiness, the man nurtured in luxury, and habituated from early youth to being obeyed by others, the man, finally, who has no profession other than talent and elegance, is bound at all times to have a facial expression of a very special kind. The Court Painter embodies an ill-defined social attitude as strange as duelling; it goes back a long way, since Caesar, Catilina, Alcibiades provide us with brilliant examples of it; it is very widespread, since Chateaubriand found examples of it in the forests and on the lake-sides of the New World and now the backwaters of Inglewood Alberta. He is like an institution outside the laws of aesthetics, has a rigorous code of painterly laws that he is strictly bound by, however ardent and independent his exemplary individual character may be.

A being such as the Court Painter has no other status but that of cultivating the idea of beauty in his own person, of satisfying his passions, of feeling and thinking. Thus he possess’, to his hearts’ content, and to a vast degree, both time and money, without which fantasy, reduced to the state of ephemeral reverie, can scarcely be translated into action. It is unfortunately very true that, without leisure and money, portrait painting can be no more than an orgy to the common man and woman, or the accomplishment of a cultural duty. Instead of being a sudden impulse full of ardor and reverie, it becomes a distastefully utilitarian affair.

If I speak of celebrity in the context of the Court Painter, the reason is that celebrity is the natural occupation of men of artistic leisure. But the Court Painter does not consider celebrity as a special aim in life. If I have mentioned fame, the reason is that fame is indispensable to those who make an exclusive cult of their passions, but the Court Painter does not aspire to fame and wealth as objects in themselfs; an open bank credit could suit him just as well; he leaves that squalid passion to vulgar mortals.

Contrary to what a lot of thoughtless people seem to believe, the Court Painter takes not even an excessive delight in clothes and material elegance. For he,the perfect art celebrity, these things are no more than the symbol of the aristocratic superiority of his artistic mind. Thus, in his eyes, enamoured as he is above all of distinction, perfection in dress and painting execution consists in absolute simplicity, which is, indeed, the best way of being distinguished. What then can this passion be, which has crystallized into a doctrine, and has formed a number of outstanding devotees, this unwritten code that has moulded so proud a celebrityhood? It is, above all, the burning desire to create a personal form of originality, within the external limits of social conventions and commission fees. It is a kind of cult of the ego which can still survive the pursuit of that form of happiness to be found only in his own artistic enterprise for example; which can even survive what are called illusions. It is the pleasure of causing surprise in others when they get the bill, and the proud satisfaction of never showing oneself beyond the truth on the canvas. Court Painter may be blasé, he may even suffer pain, but in the latter case he will keep smiling, like the Spartan under the bite of the fox.

The specific beauty of the Court Painter consists particularly in that cold exterior resulting from the unshakable determination to remain unmoved by the avant guarde; one is reminded of a latent fire, whose existence is merely suspected, and which, if it wanted to, but it does not, could burst forth in all its brightness. All this is expressed to perfection in the Court Painter ,the Great Dominion’s prolific portraitist of pompous political personages that populate the playgrounds of paucity and …. stuff like that!
Editors Note:Reprints are not available so commit to memory.