Month: June 2019

Down dooby doo down down

 

Cultural Melancholy, the subject of the rumoured reason for the broken throne and dissolution of Court Painter as one of the most successful artistic enterprises of its kind, is either in disposition or in habit. In disposition, is that transitory Melancholy which  came big time upon the Court Painter art studio with carbon taxes,sorrow, need, carbon taxes,sickness, trouble, fear, carbon taxes, grief, passion, or perturbation of the business mind, any manner of care, discontent, or thought, which causes anguish, dulness, heaviness and vexation of spirit, any ways opposite to pleasure, mirth, joy, delight, causing forwardness or a dislike. In which equivocal and improper sense, Business Magazine call it cultural melancholy, that is failure to move the product,dull, sad, sour, lumpish, ill-disposed, solitary, any way moved, or displeased. And from these melancholy dispositions no Court Painter enterprise is free, no Stoic studio, none so wise, none so happy, none so patient, so generous, so godly, so divine, that can vindicate itself; so well-composed, but more or less, some time or other, it feels the smart of it. Cultural Melancholy in this sense is the character of Mortality… This Melancholy of which we are to treat, is a habit, a serious ailment, a settled humour, as Aurelianus and others call it, not errant, but fixed: and as it was long increasing with poor sales so, now being (pleasant or painful) grown to a habit, it will hardly be removed.

Also it is rumoured a woman was involved!

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know
I know that it’s true
Don’t say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making commissions again
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down

Curtains!

The Court Painter is going silent for a while. It’s just not funny trying to paint fun anymore….a few words circa 1802 from William Wordsworth as the curtain falls….

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.
–
–

Deep frickin’ Fakes

Deepfakes of Court Painter  politicians & celebrities emerge in auction houses

Though clearly meant to be honorific, Court Painter Deepfakes demonstrate how a proliferation of Court Painter copies can devalue his reputation and market value

 

Auction houses around the world have been flooded with items posing as original Court Painter works. Depicting politicians and celebrities,they appear to have used deepfake technology to construct the master’s highly sought after renderings, critically recognized as capturing the pomp, pulchritude and pomposity of leading white 21st century figures from the halls of the political, ruling and entertainment classes.

Deepfakes —  use artificial intelligence to manipulate original Court Painter paintings into spittin’ image copies and pass them off  as the well-known commissions that Court Painter is…well…well know!(for)

The auction crowds were huge everywhere

Particular examples were clearly meant to be honorific rather than deceptive as Court Painter acknowledged in a prepared statement; read aloud in front of the underpaid  Tim Hortons staff in attendance.

“I understand fans wants to honour my best work but it’s killin’ my bottom line which at this point has no bottom but that’s another story. You can’t just have copies of my work appearing willy nilly on the high roller world art scene! The computer software to create these fakes is freely available online, which means that an increasing number of my fans have access to this technology. Many of these fans have access to social media and can distribute honorific yet fake content to dozens of auction and resale houses around the world or god forbid on Saachi’s web site. It is access to this sophisticated technology and the ability to distribute innumerable copies widely that is the threat to my upstart portrait commission business……..So frickin stop it!”

Taylor & Kate : auction assistants in foreground

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay ushered the irate Court Painter off the chair he was pontificating on… spilling his double double…while steadfastly refusing to take questions or accept answers.

Photo taken before the press conference

 

A Contorted Tale

The Contorted Tale Behind a  Missing Court Painter Masterpiece

“A Raptors Fan” diptych believed to be a Court Painter original

A report that the  Court Painter diptych of 2 self portraits entitled “A Raptor’s Fan” on the yacht of the Saudi crown prince is rumoured to be another false lead in the mystery of what has become the world’s most intriguing painting.

 When the art industry site Artnet ran a ‘scoop’ that  a Court Painter diptych of 2 self portraits entitled ‘A Raptors Fan’ was hanging somewhere in Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s yacht, it seemed believable enough.  And it has  been widely reported throughout the art world that MBS is the secret owner of the painting, which reportedly was sold to intermediary Prince Badr bin Abdullah bin Mohammed bin Farhan al-Saud, the Saudi Kingdom’s culture minister, at a Christie’s auction.

Christie’s originally announced it was actually Abu Dhabi (ruled by close MBS ally Mohammed bin Zayed, known as, yes, MBZ) that had acquired the ethereal images of Court Painter posing as a Raptor’s fan, but those reports were later contested when it became clear that MBS was the true owner.  “We are delighted to see that this remarkable painting will be available for public view at the Louvre Abu Dhabi,” Christie’s claimed . Subsequent reports said it would be on a long-term loan to that institution.

But no one has seen it in public since.

The painting was supposed to be part of the Paris Louvre’s long overdue commemoration of Court Painter’s artistic achievements, but the owner, it was said, refused to lend it. Other reports suggest it wasn’t included because there are longstanding doubts about whether the work is an actual Court Painter original or a product of unpaid studio interns in his workshop in Inglewood (which would knock about $44 off its price) A third widely held view is that it is a hybrid and that the great master put on the finishing touches after his interns did the initial colour work.

Court Painter was busy shooting hoops and could not be reached for comment and his Press Attache is considered unreliable.

Fever in the mornin’ Fever all through the night!

New study confirms what you already knew: Court Painter fever is taking over Canada

Angus Reid study shows that 40 per cent of Canadians are following Court Painter on their favourite device or purchased a portrait for home or place of business

A new study says almost half the country is watching with joy the meteor like rise of the Court Painter.

A study from the Angus Reid Institute published Thursday shows that a full 40 per cent of Canadians are paying attention to this artist.

A group of angry Albertans who love Court Painter

That includes everyone from ambivalent Montrealers to Calgarians to even folks in the out ports of Nova Scotia and optimistic treasure seekers digging away on Oak Island.

Also on the up is Canadian confidence in the artist chances to be Canada’s rep at the next Venice Biennale

While Canadian interest in the Court Painter is undeniable, Canadians are split on the question of who is really the power behind his throne: Some say it may be his mysterious and reclusive manager and Press Attache A Hardon MacKay.

47 per cent of Canadians polled say that no, the Court Painter is the one, while 45 per cent say his odd but seemingly effective Press Attache pulls all the strings.

Missy Mayhem seen preening is rumoured to be the Eminence Grise of the entire Court Painter enterprise

Angus Reed even asked about Drake, known for being the Court Painters biggest fan, what he thought. Drake would only reply “The Court Painter is my Man”

Drake’s reaction when hearing that he had won the Court Painter lottery and would get a free sitting with the Master

Only six per cent of respondents believe that the press Attache AHM brings bad luck (known as “the Scottish Plague”) compared to 26 per cent who say he actually brings good luck.(known as “the Scottish Plague Lite”)

43 per cent say that, despite back rubs from Missy Mayhem, his main squeeze, the Press Attache’s existence isn’t having an impact either way.

The Angus Reid study also found that even if the Court Painter is not selected to represent Canada at Venice most Canadians following the artist are already satisfied with his exemplary behaviour ,massive talent and celebrity looks. Three-quarters of respondents said that it’s enough for the Court Painter to be the ambassador that he is and that they would vote for him if he ran for Prime Minister.

When contacted, the Court Painter deferred all queries to his Press Attache A Hardon MacKay. In a subsequent phone conversation with AHM all he would say is “We have a product… a very good product” and then slammed the receiver down muttering something about “…getting down to Bearly’s House Of Blues & Ribs on Barrington”.

A Hardon MacKay seen waiting to be served at Bearlys 

Attention: All non paying Subscribers

Court Painter insisted that I, as his Press Attache & Marketing Guru,make  you aware of some of the services offered to our preferred non paying subscribers by The Court Painter Studio Ltd. In addition to the almost daily updates of masterworks we also are offering a comprehensive private art consulting service at competitive industry rates.

As a special thank you to our subscribers on the occasion of this new service launch, is the series :Stolen Moments of   Celebrity Lives in an unsigned edition of 25,000. Based on original hand crafted paintings, Court Painter has authorized reproductions to be printed in stunning monotone: 5 stolen moments of intimacy, reenacted by two mystery celebrities who remain to this day: celebrities and mysterious!

 

COURT PAINTER ADVISORY provides independent curatorial and art advisory services for private individuals, museums, corporate elites and institutional collections. With the expertise of the Court Painter, who’s  ideas are intellectually and conceptually bold and technically accomplished , you can’t go wrong.! His aim is to facilitate the relationship between the Court Painter and collectors, institutions and art venues, thereby enabling him to offer an impressive portfolio of services for his clients worldwide at competitive industry rates.
Due to a high demand on our services, please be patient. The line is long and our expert assistants are working like monkeys

To facilitate all of your inquiries,you can be assured that we will eventually get back to you. Please leave us your land line numbers and home addresses , off and on shore bank accounts and social security numbers as we prefer to do things the old fashioned way so that you will be satisfied the old fashioned way and can then sit back with that old fashioned response  “Ahhhh!”

Editors note: Court Painter insisted on writing most of this himself…what can I say!

Basketcase

Court Painter makes the case that his former high school hoop skills as a run and gun triple threat crossover dribbler and dunker should be marshalled to sink the Warriors and swish the Raptors into the expectant heart of the Great Dominion’s wet hoop dream!

Editors note: Don’t you dare quote from this passage without express permission from Court Painter Studios Ltd.

–Court Painter strikes a  poetry in motion hoopster pose

Drake enthusiastically cheering in support of Court Painter while Court Painter enthusiastically cheers him on!