Russia Compiles Psychological & Studio Dossier on Court Painter
MOSCOW — A dossier on Court Painter’s psychological makeup and painting tricks is being prepared for Russian President and avid Sunday painter Vladimir Putin who reportedly is bitter to the core about his treatment by the art world.
Among its preliminary conclusions is that the preeminent portraitist of the Great Dominion is a risk-taker in the studio who can be naïve as well as irascible and dull, according to a senior Kremlin adviser The Femme Agent Nikita.
Court Painter “doesn’t understand fully how much animosity Mr. Putin holds towards celebrity painters and the Western art world— he is a tough guy and is bitter to the core,” The Femme Agent Nikita told NBC News.
The file is being compiled personally by Vladimir Putin, an anonymous retired Art Museum Director for hire from Guelph and The Femme Agent Nikita, sources close to the Kremlin revealed.
The attempt to get inside the Court Painter’s artistic mind is aimed at helping Putin plan for his first official portrait sitting with the Great Dominion portrait leader, the date for which is yet to be decided.
“Very serious preparatory work is going on in the Kremlin, including a dossier — in block letters — describing a psychological portrait of Court Painter, especially based on this last two to three months, and the last weeks,” added The Femme Agent Nikita, who said she has known Court Painter since 2015 when they first met at the Ship & Anchor pub on a Robbie Burns Russian Connection Nite .
“Balderdash,” exclaimed Court Painter with a flourish when queried about this assertion,”the only Russian I know is a hockey guy named Alexander Mikhailovich “Alex” Ovechkin….who Don Cherry hates by the way.” Cherry is also known around the rink to be bitter to the core.
The dossier was being revised regularly, Vladimir said, adding that many in the Kremlin believed that Court Painter viewed his studio practice not only as a leading edge art think tank but also as a not for profit business.
The Femme Agent Nikita added: “Court Painter is not living in a paintbox (chuckling quietly at this allusion)— he is living in a demanding crowd of fans and groupies. He should listen to the art people around him like his chief competitor Chris Cran ( image unavailable) especially in the studio areas where he is weak….canvas stretching, gesso application, choosing the correct frame and most important socially: how to shake hands.”
“Court Painter cannot come to a meeting with Putin as a loser on sales— he must sort out his point of sale problems first before Putin will offer him a studio visit,” The Femme Agent Nikita chimed in delightfully yet ominously!
It is normal for Putin to be fully briefed before entering negotiations for commission fees with a rival painter, but preparing a detailed dossier on the devious mind ,instincts and studio tricks of the Great Dominion portraitist is unusual.
Putin is known by his Sunday painter colleagues as “bitter to the core and seething with envy” about Court Painter’s art success in the Western Hemisphere where Vladimir’s equestrian self portraits have yet to be accepted by any of North America’s ubiquitous agricultural fairs.
Court Painter on the other hand continues to live off the adoration and life style emulation of fans from Waterloo Iowa to Charlottetown PEI.
The End