Updated September 26,2025 from original post of March 18,2024
The Trump International Tower & Hotel is reportedly preparing for a rebrand as the Crowbar Hotel. Rumour has it, once complete, it will carry that unmistakable “You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” vibe.
The Donald proudly gestures to the Crowbar Hotel
According to a story making the rounds in venture capitalist circles, a seasoned New York hotelier is rumored to be in negotiations with justice authorities to rebrand his Trump International Hotel & Tower as the Crowbar Hotel & Tower.
It’s already being hailed as American rebranding at its finest!
Street view of The Crowbar Hotel
Spectacular Big House vibe permeates the lobby
The Crowbar Hotel & Tower—the only Forbes Five-Star hotel boasting a Five-Star penal-style cafeteria in New York—will stand as an icon of Big House service, offering clink-tray dining and exclusive amenities for those seeking an incarcerated luxury stay. Its imposing steel-barred entrance and lobby distinguish the 52-story tower, perfectly positioned just off Central Park at the crossroads of Columbus Circle and Broadway. The Crowbar Hotel is superbly located on the Upper West Side.
A genuine felon welcomes every guest
The Clink entrance lobby
Inside, no dark money has been spared in crafting an impeccable penal style. Spectacular communal cafeteria service, The Behind Bars Bar, and a constant air of slammer intrigue define the experience. Guests of The Crowbar Hotel enjoy the pinnacle of penal luxury, with unrivalled jug hospitality and detail-oriented prison amenities—including a bar of Trump-monogrammed soap, one roll of T-stamped toilet paper per guest, and a personal Guard Service, exclusive to those doing hard time not for a long time, but for a good time.
Big, burly screws stand watch over 167 magnificent cells, each fully equipped with sink, bunk, toilet, and floor-to-ceiling barred windows offering unparalleled views of Central Park and the City. A single bare lightbulb lends its own romantic allure. Burnished steel bars with great big locks, combined with authentic 24-hour prison sounds, provide glamorous pokey touches. Each cell is further graced by a reproduction of a Court Painter original, depicting President 47 surrounded by sumptuous velvet draperies and opulent silk accent walls.
For photos and more details on the upcoming calaboose rebranding, write to The Donald USA.
The cosy Behind Bars Bar
Through the bars view of the park
Court Painter proudly displaying his commissioned painting, Rebrand