Category: Images

Find A Way To Get Along

Stephen Harper says ‘a smart Canadian PM’ finds a way to get along with Court Painter

CP & portrait of former PM

Former prime minister Stephen Harper says Canadian leaders have to find a way to get along with the irascible Court Painter because of Canada’s “overwhelming” cultural dependence on the quality of ‘soul capturing’ political & celebrity portraits masterfully rendered by the preeminent portraitist of the Great Dominion.

CP & AHM strain to install group portrait 

Harper made his remarks during a panel session with former British prime minister Tony Bubbly Blair at the Raisina Dialogue, a geopolitical summit held in New Delhi and sponsored by the Indian government, on Tuesday.

“Often, I would go to Calgary on the business of avoiding my constituents however Court Painter was always on a list of people that I was sure to meet and meet we did, often for a new portrait sitting ,” Harper said when asked about his impressions of Court Painter. “ I know Court Painter well and many of the people around him, like his pushy Press Attache A Hardon MacKay . I think I’ve got a pretty good picture of CP’s pulchritudinous pictorial peccadilloes if you get my drift.”

CP & AHM hold earlier commission of former PM

Without mentioning Prime Minister Justin Trudeau by name instead mimicking how he breathlessly talks, Harper said he believes it’s important that “a smart Canadian prime minister” gets a few things right when dealing with the painter who has undue influence in the celebrity and political realms beyond his years.

PM Trudeau with sculpture by unknown angry Alberta artist

CP & friends at all night movie night costume party

“First of all, a PM establishes — to the best of his ability — a good personal relationship with Court Painter, regardless of that portraitist’s abrasive personality and  non stop party till you drop lifestyle,” said Harper.

2 local artists lovingly handle CP self portraits

“Secondly, a smart prime minister of Canada — because we can often be off the radar in Court Painter’s Inglewood studio — goes out of his way to show when we are onside with the him against his artistic nemesis CC (name available upon request)and  how we can be a useful partner in furthering the Court Painter’s potential global participation in international Biennales because that’s ultimately in our interests.

CP & CC (name available upon request)in rare photo

“If you do those two things correctly, that is the basis on which you can then respectfully disagree when you need to and believe me disagreement with Court Painter is inevitable because as Ezra has pointed out he is a pinko post modern perfectionist,a know it all and an analog nerd.”

Ezra & former PM in strategy session

 

TV Guide

TV critics and VP clapper seen paying rapt attention as a phantom VP clapper claps stage left

Rebuttal team patiently wait for 8 minutes to be up as VP continues his clapping fit!

Court Painter relaxes in his studio at the Northern border

cockamamy rules

‘He knows the rules’: ex punk rocker NDP MP cries foul over Court Painter’s Trudeau portraits in PM’s parliamentary office

Ex punk rocker Charlie Angus said painting the portraits was a ‘bush league’ move. ‘He seems to believe that because he’s Justin Trudeau, prime minister, rules don’t apply’

ex punk rocker MP Angus

OTTAWA — Ex punk rocker NDP MP Charlie Angus is criticizing Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for having the Great Dominion’s preeminent political portraitist paint his portrait in his office on Parliament Hill; in violation of rules that prevent MPs from using parliamentary resources to leverage celebrity portraitists like Court Painter to advance their political ambitions.

The portraits reveals the prime minister in his Centre Block offices lit by a single overhead bulb. He was overheard to say to Court Painter,“You are at the heart of a great portrait tradition and movement in the Great Dominion— and you know what’s at stake, that’s why I’m asking you to paint my face for the enjoyment of tens of thousands of Canadians who have tweeted in support of my awarding you this prestigious commission.”

The Prime Ministers Office posted a special link to the Court Painter website, where art fans are asked to make donations to his retirement fund.

The problem is that members of Parliament are governed by strict rules about keeping their parliamentary work separate from fundraising for Court Painter. According to the members by-law of the board of internal economy, which governs the House of Commons, parliamentary premises like Centre Block can’t be used for funding activities, including “solicitations of contributions and solicitations of donations especially for portrait painter grifters.”

Ex punk rocker Angus said painting the  portrait in the prime minister’s office was a “bush league” move from someone who should have known better. “He knows the rules. This is not rookie backbencher activity. This is the prime minister of the country,” he said. “He seems to believe that because he’s Justin Trudeau, prime minister, rules don’t apply.”

Trudeau was overheard murmuring under his breath “So whats your point?”

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Court Painter in a fit of staged rage emphasized that the portrait was painted using his own paints,brushes,canvas, easel and 100 watt bulb for illumination of the subject : not with parliamentary art supplies or equipment.”I am just an occasional tax paying, hard working portrait painting senior practitioner trying to  enhance reputation and resume and don’t appreciate an ex punk rocker who never had a hit record , criticize my means of livelihood by bringing up some cockamamy rules meant for those not in power.” The PM could be heard clapping warmly in the foreground!

Ex punk rocker Angus said he plans to send a letter or maybe a tweet to the board of internal economy asking for a review of the portraits before Court Painter starts selling reproductions and fridge magnets containing the images…… at loss leader prices!

Demand for Fashion & Flair

An end of year Court Painter commissioned Focus Group was very favourable to the fashion & flair that appeared much to rarely in 2018 postings however reacted negatively to the profusion of  monochromatic Sturm und Drang that populated the majority of Court Painter’s artistic efforts during the year.

It is expected Court Painter will ignore the findings and carry on as usual…pip… pip! however with this celebratory year end posting he has included some notable eye candy for the viewers sweet tooth and long may it ache!

Great Dominion Uncertainty

Fate of proposed offer to appoint Court Painter parliamentary artist laureate uncertain

Please Note Senators & Members of Parliament : The works illustrated are just a taste of what Court Painter is capable !

OTTAWA – A push underway on Parliament Hill to create and offer a new visual artist laureate to Court Painter has been procedurally thwarted, though it’s possible the proposal could resurface in the new year.

The proposal was to create a position to represent Canadian art in the same way the parliamentary poet laureate currently does.

Backers say creating this role would be a boon to Court Painter’s cultural cottage industry and to Court Painter’s bottom line.

However bill, S-234 titled: Parliamentary Visual Artist Laureate for Court Painter , modelled after the existing Parliamentary Poet Laureate, was recently killed in the House of Commons after failing to secure a sponsor as well as accusations that annoying lobbying efforts by Court Painter’s Press Attache were…..well…annoying!

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay attempted to save the bill from being killed by weeping inconsolably in the visitor bleachers of the House of Commons.In presenting his outburst  to the House he said because the bill is “totally uncontroversial”he was sure all sides would support passing it immediately and make Court Painter’s day!

However, an unknown number of members said “no” when the Speaker asked if there was the unanimous consent needed, and so the proposal and the bill were dropped from the order paper, essentially killing it. ( Court Painter in a text message upon receiving the news said ominously,” I know where these unknown members live…let me just leave it at that.)

Typically that’d be where the story would end but it is expected that the Senate– where the bill originated– will try to revive the proposal in the new year. Press Attache AHM expressed confidence in the bill’s revival since he knows a number of the Senators personally and is aware of explosive personal information on each one ….that …lets just say ….could be damaging to anyones political career should it leak to the media or their significant others.

The bill—one page in big letters— prescribes that the mandate of the visual artist laureate would be to promote knowledge, awareness, and development of Court Painter’s magnificent art , and for an unlimited term the artist may:

Produce artistic creations to cover existing murals and paint over current paintings in Parliament ; Sponsor artistic events and exhibits honouring Court Painter and his works; and Advise the Parliamentary Librarian on pumping up the library’s collection and  acquisitions of Court Painter art works and fonds.

 sample of the quality of portraits

In a hastily prepared news release Court Painter stated his case.

The creation and appointment of Court Painter as the artist laureate and as a parliamentary officer would add a more appropriate and influential outlet for the promotion of Court Painter in Canada. As an officer working to promote himself on a full-time basis from Parliament would be a tremendous boost to his reputation and juice his sales.It is time we celebrate Court Painter and his contributions to our culture and the expression of who he is by providing the position of an artist laureate to recognize and represent this most exciting artist , his fashion sense and promotional moxy.

Bill S-234 doesn’t spell out any compensation or stipend for the visual laureate, but throughout their study and debate Senators suggested that it should a least be equivalent to the poorest paid CEO of Canada’s struggling Big Bank sector.

“I think Canadians and parliamentarians can all benefit from a lot more Court Painter art in their lives,”  said Press Attache AHM  in a last ditch lobbying effort for the bill. He went on to say that Court Painter in the position of an artist laureate would enable him to have a national platform to showcase his work. Arts and culture is one of the most powerful tools we have for making social change however that shouldn’t get in the way of appointing Court Painter.