Category: Images

Rumour Behind Court Painter Dropping Out of Sight

The rumour that Court Painter was fired by his powerful and influential Press Attache A Hardon MacKay for creating a “hostile” and “dangerous” environment in the studio ,leaving unpaid studio interns fearing for their safety ; is close to being substantiated.

The original communique from the Court Painter Studio stated the studio was curtailing activities until further notice because of a condition described as “world weary” plus insufficient cash flow caused by  celebrity and politicial clients delinquent fee payments ; is now in question.

The July series of portraits was canceled for delivery to clients  because Court Painter kept raising pastel dust by slapping his thighs and in a fit of pique threw his book at unpaid studio interns  who were trying to put on his powdered wig, sources say. Enraged at the cancellation, he began “verbally abusing” the crew. They were “fearful for their safety,” said Press Attache AHM.

Court Painter is presently in Missoula USA and could not be reached for comment. His long suffering wife Mary did not respond to an e-mail seeking comment.

Court Painter’s behaviour was unsettling at an earlier portrait sitting. Someone gave him a salad for breakfast and he threw it on the sawdust floor of the studio. He demanded Timbits and said the salad would be better on the floor with the studio rabbits than touching his rose bud lips.

He was frequently late for portrait sittings, sometimes up to two hours, AHM said. He refused to allow anyone to look at him during  painting sessions including the sitters. Although he had been introduced many times, sources claim he was never able to remember their names. During the painting sessions he was fed their names both by earpiece and  semaphore.

One of the sitters in white who distracted Court Painter

While taking up his usual spot at the Ship & Anchor bar he left “troubling, rambling, angry” voicemails to  AHM during the middle of the night. He also insisted that no one wear white in the studio because it “distracts me,” he said. When he was painting no one was allowed to move in the studio because that also distracted him.

As he painted away, he began to gain weight.He looked so chubby that an unpaid studio assistant called Court Painter’s Press Attache AHM for advice.

AHM said, “It sounds like he’s sneaking snacks in addition to his morning noon and night diet of TimBits,bit sized blasts of flavour that he regularly gorges by the dozens on a normal day!”

Anyway he allegedly threw ash trays, mirrors, combs and boxes of hairpins at the unpaid studio interns. He also pulled grey hairs out of his powdered wig because he wanted to look younger than his artist nemesis CC (name provided upon request).

Court Painter seen preparing to move on….

Press Attache AHM  finally knew he had to fire Court Painter when he was challenged to a duel at the Ship & Anchor.

That’s all we know at this time.

MaGoo McCallum

Canada’s former ambassador to China, Magoo McCallum sacked because of remarks he made in the wake of Huawei’s high-profile extradition case, said he has warned former colleagues at China’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs that any further “punishments” imposed on Canada’s exports could lead to a change of government that is unfavourable to Beijing.

This is the scary part!

“Anything that is more negative against Canada will help the Conservatives, [who] are much less friendly to China than the Liberals,”

 Magoo McCallum veteran Liberal Party member, told the South China Morning Post in an interview in Hong Kong on Monday.

“I hope and I don’t see any reason why things will get worse, it would be nice if things will get better between now and the Great Dominions election in October.”

So there you go!

Sunlight is the best disinfectant

Court Painter has roused himself from his man of leisure status to once again enter the studio ring for a brief appearance!

Alberta to hold $2.5-million public inquiry into funding for oil and gas friends

The Alberta government will hold a public inquiry into oil & gas companies that it says have been bankrolled by foreign energy giants hell-bent on keeping Canada’s oil and gas reaching new markets.

“They often say that sunlight is the best disinfectant. This public inquiry will be sunlight on the activities of the oil & & gas sector which has run Alberta’s economy since ancient times,” Premier Jason Kenney said Thursday.

“It will investigate all of the national and international connections, follow the money trail and expose all of the transnational fossil fuel interests involved to receive the Order Of Advantage Alberta in a ceremony of gratitude.”

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He said the inquiry — with a budget of $2.5-million — will not bother to see if any laws have been broken and will not recommend any appropriate legal and policy action if by chance a dead duck is found belly up in a tailings pond.

“Most importantly, it will serve notice that Alberta will forever allow oil & gas interest groups to dictate our economic destiny as one of the most ethical (my term) major producers of energy in the world.”

Court Painter stands proudly before his favourite subject.

The first phase of the inquiry is to focus on fact finding, with public hearings at the Petroleum Club to follow at the Ranchman’s Club and if necessary The Canadian Association of Petroleum Producers. A report is to be delivered in iambic pentameter on the steps of the Legislature in a year.

Kenney said deep-pocketed U.S. & International oil & gas companies  have been on the teat of Alberta governments since time immemorial and have kept the  trillion litres or so of toxic waste produced by their ethical operations well clear of Calgary & Edmonton town limits. For that public spiritedness,”I am profoundly grateful,” he gushed!

“I think giant international oil & gas producers realized from the beginning that Alberta amongst all of the major energy producers would be the most easily intimidated by intimidation,” he said. “And you know what? They were right.”

 

Down dooby doo down down

 

Cultural Melancholy, the subject of the rumoured reason for the broken throne and dissolution of Court Painter as one of the most successful artistic enterprises of its kind, is either in disposition or in habit. In disposition, is that transitory Melancholy which  came big time upon the Court Painter art studio with carbon taxes,sorrow, need, carbon taxes,sickness, trouble, fear, carbon taxes, grief, passion, or perturbation of the business mind, any manner of care, discontent, or thought, which causes anguish, dulness, heaviness and vexation of spirit, any ways opposite to pleasure, mirth, joy, delight, causing forwardness or a dislike. In which equivocal and improper sense, Business Magazine call it cultural melancholy, that is failure to move the product,dull, sad, sour, lumpish, ill-disposed, solitary, any way moved, or displeased. And from these melancholy dispositions no Court Painter enterprise is free, no Stoic studio, none so wise, none so happy, none so patient, so generous, so godly, so divine, that can vindicate itself; so well-composed, but more or less, some time or other, it feels the smart of it. Cultural Melancholy in this sense is the character of Mortality… This Melancholy of which we are to treat, is a habit, a serious ailment, a settled humour, as Aurelianus and others call it, not errant, but fixed: and as it was long increasing with poor sales so, now being (pleasant or painful) grown to a habit, it will hardly be removed.

Also it is rumoured a woman was involved!

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know
I know that it’s true
Don’t say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making commissions again
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down down
Comma, comma, down dooby doo down

Curtains!

The Court Painter is going silent for a while. It’s just not funny trying to paint fun anymore….a few words circa 1802 from William Wordsworth as the curtain falls….

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;—
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;
It moves us not.
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Deep frickin’ Fakes

Deepfakes of Court Painter  politicians & celebrities emerge in auction houses

Though clearly meant to be honorific, Court Painter Deepfakes demonstrate how a proliferation of Court Painter copies can devalue his reputation and market value

 

Auction houses around the world have been flooded with items posing as original Court Painter works. Depicting politicians and celebrities,they appear to have used deepfake technology to construct the master’s highly sought after renderings, critically recognized as capturing the pomp, pulchritude and pomposity of leading white 21st century figures from the halls of the political, ruling and entertainment classes.

Deepfakes —  use artificial intelligence to manipulate original Court Painter paintings into spittin’ image copies and pass them off  as the well-known commissions that Court Painter is…well…well know!(for)

The auction crowds were huge everywhere

Particular examples were clearly meant to be honorific rather than deceptive as Court Painter acknowledged in a prepared statement; read aloud in front of the underpaid  Tim Hortons staff in attendance.

“I understand fans wants to honour my best work but it’s killin’ my bottom line which at this point has no bottom but that’s another story. You can’t just have copies of my work appearing willy nilly on the high roller world art scene! The computer software to create these fakes is freely available online, which means that an increasing number of my fans have access to this technology. Many of these fans have access to social media and can distribute honorific yet fake content to dozens of auction and resale houses around the world or god forbid on Saachi’s web site. It is access to this sophisticated technology and the ability to distribute innumerable copies widely that is the threat to my upstart portrait commission business……..So frickin stop it!”

Taylor & Kate : auction assistants in foreground

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay ushered the irate Court Painter off the chair he was pontificating on… spilling his double double…while steadfastly refusing to take questions or accept answers.

Photo taken before the press conference

 

A Contorted Tale

The Contorted Tale Behind a  Missing Court Painter Masterpiece

“A Raptors Fan” diptych believed to be a Court Painter original

A report that the  Court Painter diptych of 2 self portraits entitled “A Raptor’s Fan” on the yacht of the Saudi crown prince is rumoured to be another false lead in the mystery of what has become the world’s most intriguing painting.

 When the art industry site Artnet ran a ‘scoop’ that  a Court Painter diptych of 2 self portraits entitled ‘A Raptors Fan’ was hanging somewhere in Saudi Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman’s yacht, it seemed believable enough.  And it has  been widely reported throughout the art world that MBS is the secret owner of the painting, which reportedly was sold to intermediary Prince Badr bin Abdullah bin Mohammed bin Farhan al-Saud, the Saudi Kingdom’s culture minister, at a Christie’s auction.

Christie’s originally announced it was actually Abu Dhabi (ruled by close MBS ally Mohammed bin Zayed, known as, yes, MBZ) that had acquired the ethereal images of Court Painter posing as a Raptor’s fan, but those reports were later contested when it became clear that MBS was the true owner.  “We are delighted to see that this remarkable painting will be available for public view at the Louvre Abu Dhabi,” Christie’s claimed . Subsequent reports said it would be on a long-term loan to that institution.

But no one has seen it in public since.

The painting was supposed to be part of the Paris Louvre’s long overdue commemoration of Court Painter’s artistic achievements, but the owner, it was said, refused to lend it. Other reports suggest it wasn’t included because there are longstanding doubts about whether the work is an actual Court Painter original or a product of unpaid studio interns in his workshop in Inglewood (which would knock about $44 off its price) A third widely held view is that it is a hybrid and that the great master put on the finishing touches after his interns did the initial colour work.

Court Painter was busy shooting hoops and could not be reached for comment and his Press Attache is considered unreliable.