Secret Evacuation Plan

Court Painter has a ‘secret’ evacuation plan if Alberta separates from the Great Dominion

Court Painter alway has an escape oar up his sleeve

Should riots occur after an Alberta separation, Court Painter and other select members of the studio will be evacuated from Inglewood.(select members identified at time of posting include paint grinder,art stacker,crate and stretcher maker,jack & jill of all trades,wine solemner and party planner)

The Court Painter & studio crew seen celebrating last Valentines Day 

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay in a confidential tweet says that“secret plans” are being drawn up by himself that will ensure Court Painter and senior studio assistants will be safely moved out of the Court Painter studio and taken to an undisclosed location.

Court Painter practicing evacuation procedures

“These emergency evacuation plans have been in existence since Jason Kenney became leader of the UCP, but have now been repurposed in the event of civil disorder following threats by angry Albertans to leave the Great Dominion.

Albertans are understandably angry with the 9th highest per capita GDP in the world, and the highest incomes and the lowest taxes in Canada.

Court Painter with his favourite stray

The Press Attache AHM source told anyone who would listen that the Court Painter evacuation plans had been “dusted off” for the sake of “sensible planning.”

An early photo of Court Painter in Great Dominion survival mode

Court Painter’s statement that needs no splainin

“The decision to evacuate is based on whether or not the safety of his potential sales is compromised by roving bands of angry Albertans,” the Press Attache AHM said. “But right now, we have no safety concern since the ‘cupboard is bare.’”

The spectre of political unrest continues to rise as a provincial election approaches and there are growing concerns (should Jason Kenney’s & UCP win) of raising the risk of a disorderly dust up between Alberta and the Great Dominion.

Court Painter with second favourite stray and angry pipe smoker

Court Painter has been preparing for a worst-case scenario and potential riots in the case that separation becomes imminent. There have been reports of his studio stockpiling paints, extra bolts of canvas ,tobacco,sugar,salt, lard,grape concentrate and sundry value added art materials in case the borders are barricaded.

Court Painter with central Canadian BFF 

The Court Painter is expected to remain politically neutral as long as it suits his business plan and will not comment on government affairs that could upset his market: in business jargon it is called playing both sides of the fence.

Court Painter caught in a candid moment of tension and dread

“In times of political and partisan challenges ,my Art can carry water to both sides in this climate of thirst and uncertainty,” Court Painter uttered in an emotional yet measured croak.

 

Just When You Thought The News Couldn’t Get Worse

Woman Nonchalantly Steals Painting from Court Painter Studio in Broad Daylight

Court Painter during the good times in the studio

The studio’s 1990’s Sony Handicam  captured the brazen heist, which took place at a temporary studio exhibition that had no alarms fitted. Art authorities say they have arrested the (age withheld) suspect and recovered the undamaged artwork, which, after a tip-off to police, was found hidden in a dumpster in the heart of downtown Inglewood. In an interview with art detectives, the suspect reportedly claimed she was innocent and said she could not remember where she had been on Sunday,since her workplace The French Maid is closed on Sundays.

Court Painter tearfully forgiving Missy for her misdeed

Angry Albertan angrily stabs “Justin the Terrible” painting

The incident is only the latest embarrassing lapse in security at Court Painter’s studio, which was founded in 2013 and houses more than 1,300 works of unpaid commissions. In May, an angry drunken Albertan vandalized a painting of “Justin the Terrible” by stabbing at it with his umbrella,screaming in a kinda sing songey manner …no no no we no want no no no carbon carbon carbon  tax. All those within ear shot thought it was a frightfully poor rendition but heartfelt.

Court Painter wistfully wondering what it’s all about

Both crimes raise questions about security in Court Painter’s studio which has continually complained of security shortages since budget cutbacks in 2015. On Monday, the newly appointed Heritage Minister ,who oversees the Great Dominion’s cultural affairs, ordered the ministry of culture to investigate the studio for security compliance and provide unpaid studio interns and layabouts with extra judo chop & tackle training and free access to Youtube videos on “How to Spot An Art Thief.”