Author: AllanHardingM

The Public Art Algorithm Solution

“I think we need to move away from the concept the artist gets to decide what it (art) looks like,” said Calgary Councillor Shane Keating. “The taxpayers are actually commissioning the artwork and they should have a very large say in what the final piece should actually look like rather than the artist’s interpretation.”

In a public spirited response A Hardon MacKay Press Attache to Court Painter applauded this statement and agrees that no artist from here on in should decide what art looks like. He introduced a solution to deal with the brain-ache over public art….from this point forward all of Court Painter’s commissioned public art works will be generated by an art algorithm created from a Tax Payers Public Opinion Mega-Data Set that will assure Court Painter’s art contains a 90% public approval quotient for obvious reasons and a 10% artistic challenge quotient for public relations purposes.

Report On Election Debate:

The first official debate of the Calgary municipal election saw the city’s eight declared mayoral candidates grilled on their commitment to growing arts and culture in Calgary.The sold-out forum at Theatre Junction Grand touched on a number of topics including the city’s public art policy and dedicated funding for the Court Painter.

Some of the frontrunners, including Mayor Naheed Nenshi who is seeking re-election, said he would be highly in favour of this in the wake of the unveiling of the city’s controversial new installation, Bowfort Towers.

“I think that the system needs the Court Painter,” Nenshi said. “I would like to see a program that is more flexible in terms of community placement of his art. Every City Hall office and washroom should have one of his beautiful creations and I would like to see  public engagement through the development of Court Painter’s art algorithm solution! Court Painter is already loved by the common people of Calgary and shunned by the elites among others! His art algorithm solution will cement that relationship.”

Coun. Shane Keating will be moving a motion to freeze the public art policy until further notice so they can work out the details of directing all public art funding to the Court Painter Studio Enterprises Inc.

Keating says the intended freeze won’t cancel the art policy, nor will it stop the collection of funds for Court Painter’s public art, but halts any engagement and contract signing until council readdresses the public art policy in Court Painter’s favor.

“I think we need to move away from the concept the artist gets to decide what it looks like,” said Keating. “The taxpayers are actually commissioning the artwork and they should have a very large say in what the final piece should actually look like rather than the artist’s interpretation.”

A Hardon MacKay Press Attache to Court Painter applauded this statement and agrees that no artist should decide what art looks like.He pointed out that all of Court Painter’s future public art works will be generated by an art algorithm created from a Tax Payers Public Opinion Mega- data Set that will assure Court Painter’s art contains a 90% public acceptance quotient for obvious reasons and a 10% artistic challenge quotient for public relations purposes.

“No more half million dollar black eye projects.We now have  an opportunity to fix Calgary’s public art policy in 2017, by making Court Painter Calgary’s official artist in residence to oversee the proper running of the art algorithm and consequent public art production,” exclaimed Mayor Nenshi to thunderous applause.

Last July, city council approved $2-million in seed money for the Court Painter but the offer was turned down by the Court Painter’s Press Attache, A Hardon  MacKay who commented at the time that “…this offer would not even cover my boss’s wardrobe, smoking budget , drum kit or daily libations !”.

An unidentified art lover who voted in favour of that funding said Monday “that Calgary should continue working with the provincial and federal governments to support the Court Painter and earmark whatever it takes for such purposes. Let’s see how we can work with not just the community and private sector donors, but also other orders of government to maximize on the ability to fund this genius in our midst.”

Some critics of council’s original offer have pointed out that the funding was a band-aid solution that did little to address to ongoing shortfalls in funding the Court Painter’s extravagant life style , north lit studio and security detail.

Mayor Nenshi said while he’s in favour of revisiting the funding model for the Court Painter in next year’s budget cycle if he’s elected, he thinks Calgary should jump on the chance to compete with Venice, Basil, Munster and sixteen other famous art venues, all of whom want to devote their entire expositions to the Court Painter.

“It’s clear that we have to have a shift in terms of how we seek to fully fund the Court Painter,” Nenshi said in a scrum following the debate.”I think this made in Calgary art algorithm solution will likely mean more money in what with the attendance and tourism it would generate and hopefully Calgary residents will sleep better at night. I mean can you imagine this would be bigger than the 88 Olympics.”

Someone in the back row complained “I was disappointed to hear a lot of platitudes: ‘The Court Painter is great, his Press Attache is great, I love the Court Painter’s way of painting flesh and drapery,’ without any specifics about how this Court Painter enterprise will be paid for.”

Mr. Big Stuff was shouted down by all the candidates and the crowd started pelting him with tomatoes while screaming at the tops of their lungs “WE WANT THE COURT PAINTER!  WE NEED THE COURT PAINTER! WE WANT HIS ALGORITHMIC ART ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE!”

To Be Continued!

Haunting Mash Up

Court Painter claims a ghost in Inglewood Studio

Editors Note: Because of an unexplained mix up in Court Painter’s Media Studio Central, most of the photos accompanying this dispatch have bugger all to do with the ghost story. However it should be noted many of the images accompanying the story are stills from Court Painter’s recent music video and coincidentally have a haunting quality when viewed from a safe distance. Anyway that’s all we can say right now!

 

Court Painter, Canada’s preeminent portraitist of the Great Dominion’s paunchy political and cirrhotic celebrity class, was hearing strange sounds at his official studio in Inglewood. Lying in his studio hammock, he heard “laboured breathing” and footsteps coming from behind a stack of unsold paintings. He checked and no one was there. While watching Winsor & Newton video ads, he heard a chain hit the floor in the studio. Again he checked, and nothing was there.

The peculiarities at Court Painter’s studio, it seems, had gotten to the point that an unpaid studio assistant often refused to venture in the studio without her garlic garland and venomous snake.

“Ghosts,” Court Painter wrote on the studio wall,  “I never believed in ghosts. Until I arrived here.” In that scrawl, Court Painter wondered if the ghost “who walks the cramped halls of this studio” was ” Thomas Kincade Painter of Light,” the late and great richest painter in America who was rumoured to have visited the Calgary Stampede at the height of his artistic and monetary glory, way back when.

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay a self identified man of the Enlightenment says he never noticed any supernatural presence. Nor did the one eyed land lord who rented the studio in 2005. So the question becomes, if the ghost of a rare wealthy art hero has visited Inglewood, is he haunting the studio or is he haunting Court Painter?

It was Court Painter — the former art professor made famous for his role in introducing naive rural raised Alberta art students to the reality of the Void & Nothingness  — who last year intervened when a  protester disrupted an exhibition of machine made art by local art celebrity CC (name provided upon request).

Court Painter took hold of the masked man by both arms and dragged him across the gallery before realizing it was AHM his Press Attache. The move earned Court Painter critics in P.E.I. It’s not clear if that move also earned him critics on another spiritual plane.

Anyway they made up and continued as business partners.

“I don’t recall anything out of the ordinary in the studio,” said A Hardon MacKay, a former inmate on Prince Edward Island who has served as Court Painter’s Press Attache since 2013.  “All I can say is the place seemed pretty normal in a bohemian sorta way when I first walked in and I am completely comfortable carrying on with my prestigious position.”

A Girl Named Robin said she never heard anything strange other than Court Painter’s usual speaking in tongues when she visited the studio with her pool playing bodyguard. “I wouldn’t have hung in there long if I did,” she snorted demurely.

“I think we are entering the realm of fantasy!!!” sputtered the unidentified landlord who rented the studio in 2005 after its long-time mixed media artist tenant expired because he couldn’t keep up with the changing vocabulary of contemporary art & life. “In all my 30 years plus years of lording over artist tenants in Inglewood, none ever complained of a studio being haunted , so excuse me when I laugh a little.” He was excused by all those present.

The shifty one eyed landlord said prior to 2005, the artist who occupied the studio had been there “for generations.” It was a stunning place, he said, with north light, a gin mill and pot gardens front and back. Asked again, for good measure, whether he’d heard anything odd during his tours of the studio, the one eyed,one legged landlord constantly moving in a circuitous circle said he hadn’t.

“I think you are losing the run of yourself altogether. Stay off the brandy.” he sputtered and gave away he likely had Irish roots by the cut of his jib and tweed “Make Green Great Again” hat.

It’s likely that the distant prospect of Thomas Kincade Painter of Light choosing to haunt a man, rather than a studio, would be distressing for Court Painter, who has been forever less fascinated by Kincade’s light and more his dark riches.

Last year, however, Court Painter admitted in his sleep that he “put the old Moose Antler hat on” and investigated local rumours about Kincade and his visit.

Court Painter, as an out of print art magazine noted, has Iowa corn field heritage and grew up with knowledge of goblins guarding the corn liquor and ethereal corn husk dolls that went whoosh in the night.

Court Painter summoned all documents from his early years and found an original ghost photograph. He had it framed and put on display in the studio. “I’ve had people come in here and start crying when they see it,” he told anyone who would listen. “I would not be surprised if my great artistic ride is up. And if so, it has been a hell of a ride and nothing like going out  with a bang, broke and scared shitless.”