WHY BUYING A COURT PAINTER REPRODUCTION HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER
At the very least, nobody can accuse the Great Dominion’s Court Painter of trying to conceal what he’s selling once you get by the sign outside his Inglewood studio featuring a menacing carved self portrait figure—with a warning sign.”Spitting on Artworks Prohibited”
Duly noted!
At the studio entrance a more thoughtful sentiment greets the visitor.
“Living Life without Art is like a Dog without a Bone ,” the slogan reads.
Walk through the door, and any lingering doubt about what’s for sale goes up in smoke.
Much like a jewellery store, a glass display case features a wide selection of reproductions of Court Painter with some sealed in various size plastic baggies. A barn-board feature wall is hung with the larger more expensive collectables.A black chalkboard lists every portrait variety, from “Organic Court Painter” to “ Court Painter Rush” to “Sunny Court Painter” to “Nirvana Court Painter”.
One of the latest additions on the menu, “Presumptive Court Painter,” comes highly recommended. “I just hung that one last night,” one unpaid studio intern, standing behind the display case, tells a customer. “I really thought it rocked and we recommend an orange frame.”
Edible self portraits of gingerbread Court Painters are also in stock and even lists the calorie count (121).
At first glance, there is nothing unique about this particular painting studio except for the smokey haze that hangs permanently in the air.
Says Court Painter: “I think the time has come for me to say it is perfectly fine to sell reproductions especially edibles and we’re going to sell to any adult that walks in our doors. You know what? Kids and art students with allowances are welcome also.”
For now, profit is the thing on Court Painter’s mind. He is focused on his expansion plans, including a deal under negotiations with Tim Hortons franchisees in the Greater Calgary Area. “I think it’s in the public’s best interest for the portrait dispensaries to be the business model that the socialist government and the disunited right opposition rolls with,” he says. “At the end of the day, though, I’ve come to accept the fact that: ‘Who knows?’ I could end up getting put out of business by jealous low life portrait painters stuck in a 20th century business model and packin’ fire bombs, or it could go in my favour and I’m destined to become a member of the middle class.”
