Month: May 2019

A Visitor

Pamela Anderson visits Court Painter in his studio, says he ‘has an air of innocence about him.’

Actress Pamela Anderson visited Court Painter  in his Inglewood studio on Tuesday and said she loved him, he needed saving and his sales need a boost.

The actress says Court Painter“does not deserve to be in a rathole studio” after visiting the master painter in his rathole studio.

Court Painter is in Inglewood’s slum district serving as the Great Dominions preeminent painter of political and celebrity pulchritude. He is also reported to be on an extradition warrant to the United States for allegedly hacking into the Museum of Modern Art computer.

Hillary Clinton: Court Painter must ‘answer for what he has done’

HRC being convinced to say what she said by CC(name available upon request) 

The former Baywatch actress, who has defended Court Painter before, told reporters Tuesday that he is an innocent among art world beasts of prey.

“Let me repeat myself, he does not deserve to be in a rathole studio. He has never committed a naughty act. He is an innocent among the mercantile madness which is the Calgary art world brought on by that capitalist Jason Kenney (who by the way helped launch Diefenbaker’s political career),” Anderson said expansively.

“It was great to see him, but this is just misrule of the natural law of the jungle in operation. It is absolute shock that he has not been able to get out of his studio even to water his horse,” she said.

“It is going to be a long fight,” Anderson told reporters in the alley outside the nightmarish studio. “He deserves our financial support, he needs our financial support.”

She went on, “He deserves our moral support because he has sacrificed so much to bring the truth out in each painting and we deserve this truth even if he does stretch the painterly truth on occasion .That is all I can say. I am sorry, I feel sick, I feel nauseous”, as she moved away from the studio to get some fresh air. ‘We are here to have this health menace and eyesore demolished, and move Court Painter to a real atelier with north light and open beams ; that is what this is about.”

“He is a good man, he is an incredible person. I love him, I can’t imagine what he has been going through,” Anderson said, who was wearing what appeared to be a blanket with text that made references to Court Painter’s commission prices.

She posted a handwritten note on his studio door protesting Court Painter’s innocence in the face of unfair competition by his artistic nemesis CC(name available upon request): “Court Painter is the world’s most innocent looking man among thieves.”

CC(name available upon request) with Court Painter in vintage photo

Court Painter insisted he is a celebrity portraitist that can do no wrong. He is fighting extradition to the U.S.

He also said he wouldn’t surrender himself for extradition for hacking a peek into the cyber secrets of the Museum of Modern Art. “From what I’ve seen, my work measures up pretty damn good!”

Press Attache A Hardon MacKay burst into tearful applause after hearing these words.(Photo unavailable)

 

Cameo

After resisting appearing in cameos on a low rated TV show, Court Painter thought: ‘what the hell’ and consented on the condition that his name not be included in the credits.

One of the stars of this TV flop persuaded Court Painter to do her portraits in spite of the poor light.

Can You Believe it!

Premier Kenney taking a stance against the tailings ponds

In an astounding display of leadership not shown by any of Alberta’s previous premiers,newly minted Premier Jason Kenney has vowed to “turn off the tap” on any additional oil sector effluent flowing into the  vast tailing ponds which have reached a volume of 830 million cubic meters give or take a meter.

“As Albertans we know when enough is enough and we aren’t going to take it anymore and as your leader , I recognize the root of your spitting rage and anger is the filling of more and more tailing ponds and….well…we just can’t take it anymore. Once I examined the secret files revealed to me upon taking office, I was shocked to discover the tailings ponds structures along with the ponds themselves  cover an area of 220 square kilometers—an area about 1.5 times larger than the city of Vancouver ; from that moment I knew it was time to put the gloves on!”

Premier Kenney taking a stance against the tailings ponds

To memorialize this brave epiphany , vivid paintings by Inglewood’s favourite celebrity artist Court Painter were commissioned to depict Premier Kenney in striking poses that harken back to the pugilist stances of the old west.

“Paintings of a modern pugilist in the era of the anthropocene,” remarked Press Attache A Hardon MacKay… unprompted.

 

 

Fan the Flames of Separatist Angst

 

Jason Kenney warns of separatist angst in Alberta during visit to Ottawa

Thu., May 2, 2019

OTTAWA—Alberta’s new premier sent a brazen message to Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Thursday, when he raised the spectre of a national unity crisis and warned the Liberal government that its environmental policies will landlock Canada’s oil reserves and fan the flames of separatist angst in his province.

A hush hush report revealed Kenney was continuing to hold secret seances with Quebec separatist icons René Lévesque and Jacque Parizeau in undisclosed locations rumoured to be the Petroleum Club or the Ranchmans Club in Calgary.