Month: May 2017
The Media Diversity Thingy !
Side Effects
Side Effects : Viewing Court Painter Works
A public service article
Viewing the art of Court Painter can enhance lives, but it can also come with unwanted side effects. It’s important to remember that not all his paintings are “viewer” safe.

Serious Side Effects
In addition to common side effects, many Court Painter art works have been found to cause dangerous side effects. If an art work has numerous problems, the art regulators can add warnings to labels next to each painting, including its stringent black-box warning. In rare cases, the work is painted over or the canvas is removed from the stretcher.
Near Death Experience
Viewing Court Painter works up close has been known to cause either slow or immediate near death experiences. Sometimes this close up and personal viewing stimulates allergic reactions that cause anything from itching to an anaphylactic response, which can lead to fainting or pants wetting.
Other viewings at just before dawn may cause some to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily consider, including lighting up a smoke!
Physical Debilitation
Court Painter viewings at sunset can be physically and emotionally debilitating, including causing total or partial paralysis or severe pain. This includes headaches, stomachaches, earaches,flat feet and decreased control over bodily functions like pants wetting or on rare occasions a #2 event.
Sometimes these side effects are caused by the art works numbing effect on the area of the brain responsible for pain perception and is also linked to unexpected muscle pain and loss of muscle coordination which can lead to dancing particularly among caucasian art aficionados.
Heart Conditions

Problems related to the heart, including heart attacks, congestive heart failure, lifelong heart damage and cardiomyopathy, have been linked to a few of Court Painter’s more sentimental painterly expressions of known political figures. Sometimes they cause an increase in water-weight gain, which often necessitates investment in an entirely new wardrobe. Over exposure to staring for long periods in front of Court Painter works have been proven to be so risky that insurers refuse to insure his art fans.
Stroke
Described as the rapid loss of brain function due to a blood flow disturbance, strokes have been linked to several erotic subjects that Court Painter keeps behind the curtain in his studio. In some cases, viewing alone can cause blood clots to form.When these clots move through the body, they can block the blood flow to the brain and it may be game over for any further gallery hopping.
Sneezing
Probably one of the most shocking and overwhelming side effects of viewing Court Painter works at close range is sneezing. Perhaps that’s because most people spend their lives avoiding known carcinogens, such as cigarette smoke which by coincidence permeate all of Court Painter’s magnificent artistic output. When viewers learn that even proximity to the paintings can be carcinogenic and sneeze producing, they often feel angry ,misled and conflicted.
Dizziness
While dizziness may not seem like a serious side effect, it can have grave consequences. For elderly patrons or those already unsteady on their feet, random dizziness in Court Painter’s studio can cause a fall that could lead to broken wine bottles and interfere with other visitors looking for an enjoyable art experience. All art viewers should be acutely aware of any vertigo-like feelings and remove themselves from the premises, pronto!
Common Side Effects
Some of Court Painter’s most socially relevant paintings have been linked to other significant side effects, including losing the sense of taste, amnesia, sight loss and hallucinations. For all viewers and fans, the best way to combat all of these problems is to carefully tread lightly while looking and ask the Press Attache A Hardon Mackay detailed questions.
Possibly the most common side effects of any of Court Painter’s oeuvre are gastrointestinal issues, including nausea, constipation and diarrhea. Other common aftereffects when leaving the studio include drowsiness, pain and skin reactions.
And Finally Nausea
While nausea and vomiting aren’t considered deadly side effects, they can cause a cascade of point of sale problems, especially in the elderly or those art collectors already reaching for their credit cards. The resulting dehydration, internal bleeding and esophageal rupture can result in the sale not proceeding.
Court Painter & his Press Attache dread when this happens and often have to close the studio early for maintenance.
Phone ahead!
‘Just The Facts’ Kinda Guys
Oval Office Alarm
Presence of Court Painter in Oval Office raises alarms


“We were not informed by the Russians that an official portrait painter was dual-hatted and would be releasing the paintings on his website for a pretty penny,” the administration official said.
As a result, White House officials said they were surprised to see paintings posted online showing Trump not only with Lavrov but also smiling and shaking hands with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak.
When asked by CNN about his experience, Court Painter said,” I paint ’em as I see ’em…warts and all!
The Bone Yard
Paranormalize
Court Painter Moving Pictures announces production of new paranormal series: Seance Central
Calgary’s Court Painter Moving Pictures a subsidiary of Court Painter Perfectly Still Pictures, announced the start of a low budget paranormal action series titled Seance Central. It is a dramatized expose of paranormal activities that rattle around in real time throughout the art studios of the nation.The series is rumoured to be targeted at rural audiences and big city free enterprisers who still fear the ghosts of Karl Marx and Frederich Engels yet embrace the thrills & chills of the unknown in their struggle for normalcy. (Questions that arose in the press scrum did not clarify what this meant.)
The production cast includes art celebrity Court Painter played by Professor Emeritus John Arnold Will , Press Attache A Hardon MacKay; cameos by A Girl Named Robin & her main squeeze Robert;celebrity painter Chris Cran and his main squeeze and dancing partner Missy D plus local art B listers too numerous to mention.Many are placed just off camera to protect their identities and future career possibilities.
Nelson Auteur, coaxed out of retirement helped plug in the equipment while taking copious notes and running the snack bar ….in addition to directing the videography.
www.nelsonauteur.com
The 3-episode, hour-long drama will première in the Court Painter’s Inglewood studio projected on a bed-sheet.
Seance Central’s creator and ghost writer , A Hardon MacKay also serves as crystal ball buffer for the production . Other episodic directors on board include Court Painter in a duel starring and director role and Missy Mayhem rumoured to be Hardon’s main squeeze.
The series is set in a remote part of Court Painter’s Inglewood studio that has inexplicably been overrun by paranormal forces. The local outcast character played by Court Painter must overcome the studio assistants prejudices and his own personal demons if he’s to harness his repressed psychic powers and save everyone from the mass haunting that’s threatening to tank future sales and destroy them all. Like totally teeth-chattering awesome!
When pushed for a comment, A Hardon MacKay in hushed tones revealed,“Seance Central is not just a contemporary homage to classic psychological horror, it’s also an opportunity to tell stories about art politics and how beliefs are shaped and lives ruined by crystal phantoms in the studios of the nation; highlighting warped individual perspectives and art resentments in ghostly hues. The parameters and the preposterous pontifications of the Paranormal all are covered in great detail by the script, meticulously ghost written in invisible ink and terrifyingly enacted in the hand crafted studio setting! Improvisation was encouraged and chaos theory became manifest in haunting and diaphanous action.That’s all I can say right now without setting off trigger alerts.”
In a follow up press scrum the questions ‘why this, why now’ were left dangling in a fog of miscomprehension and leaden query….
Met Gala
Orbuculum