Fashion Crime Legislation

Harper: Mandatory Minimum Sentence For Fashion Crimes Will Be Introduced



TORONTO — The Conservatives pledged Thursday to introduce another mandatory minimum sentence if they’re re-elected, this time for serious Fashion Crimes.

The party has long portrayed itself as tough on crime, introducing or increasing various so-called mandatory minimums even as the courts have struck down some as unconstitutional.

Finance Minister Joe Oliver said a Conservative government would introduce a two-year, mandatory minimum sentence for Fashion Crimes with multiple offended victims, unless the offender pays full restitution with a complete makeover.


Oliver was standing in for Stephen Harper, who had no public events as he was preparing for another portrait sitting with the Court Painter.It seems the outrageous studio fashion of the Court Painter was the straw that broke the camels back with the Prime Minister and he called in Joe to get legislation crafted to eliminate the visual blight of this senior artist’s garb that particularly offends the eye of old stock Canadians and their fashion values.


Oliver, (who was initially mistaken as a patient) speaking at a Toronto geriatric hospital, says the law is aimed at those who perpetrate fashion fraud against senior artists .

“We will ensure that our laws and law enforcement agencies are able to keep pace with the ways fashion criminals are attempting to update the frocks of our senior artists,” Oliver said.

The Conservatives would also increase resources for the Canadian Anti-Fashion Crime Centre to focus on Internet-based fashion fraud against seniors, he said.

The announcement was one of two highly targeted Conservative pledges on Thursday. .

The Conservative mandatory minimum sentences have covered drug and gun crimes, as well as some sex offences and have come in for criticism by opposition parties and human rights groups.All opposition parties were outraged at the announcement of the Fashion Crimes legislation realizing they could quite easily be caught in the web of  the Fashion Police.

Jaw Sighting 5

Once again, Stephen Harper emphasized the idea that senior artists should show some good old fashioned taste at the moment they shop to reflect both Conservative and Quebec fashion values.

The Court Painter was unavailable for an interview although he did mutter in passing, ” I’ve changed my ways….no more sandals and mascara in the studio.”

Funding Crisis

Court Painter, Disputes Harper’s Comment Over His Fees

Court of Law Painter & Matthew 6

— The Court Painter is hitting back at Conservative Leader Stephen Harper over comments that the nationally esteemed painter of the Great Dominion’s political elite is floundering because of low ratings rather than a lack of commission fees.

Court Painter Will says he has healthy ratings, but is crippled by a broken funding model.

“It’s not about a lack of an appreciative audience and groupies,” he said after leaving his neighbourhood Tim Hortons  on Tuesday. “It’s about a broken finance model that doesn’t work, that used to be built on advertising revenues supporting a drop in parliamentary appropriations. In this environment, it doesn’t work anymore.My studio and unpaid studio intern assistants costs are just too expensive in this unsustainable arts averse environment”

The Court Painter

The 2012 federal budget cut Court Painter funding by $115  over three years. Last year, the famed portraitist of the political class said he faced a $130 shortfall – compounded by the loss of  rights to sell his sketches at NHL games – and was forced to cut down on smoking to 2 packs a day.

Harper told a private radio station in Quebec that the Court Painter’s budget crunch isn’t due to government cuts, but because of his low ratings as a portraitist.

“The reason for the difficulties aren’t the cuts,” Harper said in an interview broadcast Monday.

“There aren’t cuts. The reason is the loss of  clients. It’s a problem for the Court Painter to fix…..if he added more sunsets in his paintings his ratings would improve 100%. There is a limit to paying artist fees especially when the works of a God given talent should be given away free”, he added.

Court Painter Will wouldn’t answer when asked whether he thought Harper’s comments were fair.

“But I’m going to tell you it’s not because of my ratings that we have a problem in my studio.Canada must look to other European countries for ideas on how to fund public Court portraitists.Look no futher than my dear friend the British Monarch!

The Court Painter & The Queen

People are no longer buying my work. We should have a conversation about what’s the best funding model for me. I can’t continue in this environment.” he sputtered, taking a drag on a smouldering butt hanging off his lower cracked lip.

“For 2 years, the government has funded the Court Painter It has given his studio a set mandate that the Court Painter has to comply,” a leggy unpaid studio intern spokesperson said. “For Mr. Harper to suddenly say the problems are not a result of his fee cuts on Court commissions boggles the mind.

The Court Painter

The Court Painter is in a funding crisis. He has all these Great Dominion political figure  painting responsibilities and he just can’t keep doing them with the puny fees at the level that it’s at ….at least restore his right to sell sketches at Flames games.”