Court Painter has listened to the people’s clamouring and once again unleashed the poetic resources of Chatterly Gaseous Parsimonious Thunderclap (Chat GPT) to pen a contemporary Elon Musk tale in the Style of a Chaucer Ode. AHM was brought in at the last moment to wield editorial discipline.
Whan fair Philadelphia, so wyde and free, Didst see unfold a tale of high degree, Of Lord Musk, yclept of iron steedes so proude, And of his courts celestial, yond the cloude. He, lord of stars and crafty, distant skies, Came under earthly law’s most piercing eyes.
For he, in haste, a wondrous game did frame, One million coins a day, in golden flame, To they that swore with fealty full trewe, To vote for Sir Trump and his followers newe. But natheless was the game set in such gise That only those of heart for constitution’s prize, And of thilk election’s noble pride, Might take the wealth from coffers set asyde.
Now, gretely it happed that Lady Harris bold Sought for herself that crown of jewl’d gold, A rival fierce to Lord Musk’s chosen knight, For Sir Trump, her foe, did seek the selfsame might. Thus stakes were high, and tempers rose apace, For each of them would gain th’ election’s grace.
The judge of Philadelphia, gravely stern, Did order Lord Musk to court, his fate to learn, On one fair Thursday morn, as tale is told— But Lord Musk was gone, in clouds and stars enfold. O noble folk did whisper of his scorn, Of judge’s rule and town and sacred morn, And spake of how he mocked the summons grave, And thought he stood above the courtly wave.
His scribes by candlelight did seek that night To shift the tale from commonwealth to fighte Of federal realm, where mightier hands reside, And where, they thought, their master’s will might bide. “Yon judge’s law,” they cried, “but serves his ends, A politicke game that ever downward wends.”
But then arose, of Philadelphia’s hall, Sir Larry Krasner, feared by folk and all, Who cried, “No scheme nor plan nor sweepstake’s game Shall thwart the law or bring it into shame! Forsooth, the people’s voice must guarded be, Free from Lord Musk’s gifts or golden treachery.”
Law learned men did argue, wise and shrewd, If Lord Musk’s bright games and fortunes might be lewd— For gifts of gold, in voting’s sacred field, Might cause a heart to waver or to yeild. Thus stands the tale, for Lord Musk has kept his distain, And where he’ll stand, the court shall seek his ass to stain,
But soon, the judge’s patience shall wax thin, And then, like wind upon October’s sin, The wrath of court may rise with vengeful gale, And cast Lord Musk’s riches as a darker fail.
A spokesperson for the Philadelphia district attorney, Larry Krasner, said on Thursday the initial hearing at city hall was still scheduled. In the original suit, Krasner argued that Elon Musk’s petition and associated contest were “indisputably violating” specific Pennsylvania laws against illegal lotteries. Musk’s attorneys said he was engaging in legally protected political speech and spending.
