Court Painter: A MasterWork in Progress
Editors Note: The promotional images accompanying the story were all that were available so any complaints will be ignored.
Calgary — They are as flabbergasted as the rest of the Great Dominion.
His studio crew sent a somewhat normal, if questionably gifted, Court Painter off to Banff for a great face sketching adventure, with modest hopes. By the time he got back to the Inglewood studio, he was positioned to become one of the” most famous portraitists in the history of the Great Dominion,” according to a disinterested observer and Press Attache for hire A Hardon MacKay.
A mid 70’s septuagenarian contrarian ,utterly unknown outside the face painter art community until recently, Court Painter is going to have the kind of life neither he nor his extraordinarily distracted and unhinged hipster studio interns ever imagined.
“We’re so stunned. We’re a little bit in awe of Court Painter, what he has achieved in just one week of face sketching— and I’m a little panicked as to how I handle a septuagenarian contrarian after that week,” his Press Attache A Hardon Mackay, said Saturday at a news conference called by the Banff Sketch & Gun Club to answer, en masse, all the demands for More Gossip About Court Painter, the Inglewood portrait phoneme who single-handedly ignited a spectacular week for anyone who visited Banff and witnessed his frantic sketching prowess during the week.
‘Master Court Painter’, as his Press Attache calls him, may be a star now but he is still only in his mid 70’s, and he won’t be calling all the shots, snarled AHM.
“You know, he’s got two more years of underpainting lessons. We’ll talk I guess in the next couple of weeks about what he needs to do to improve his skill with painting hands and drapery. One thing is, it’s going to be my decision, it’s not just going to be Court Painter’s decision.Branding, marketing, strategic planning, product development, providing How to Do books and glad handing is what I do best.”
It’s quite apparent to all that Court Painter is a budding star in rendering political and celebrity portraits but he is still a novice in his mid 70’s.
“Drives me nuts,” A Hardon MacKay said. “I’m just too old for managing a mid 70’s self centred septuagenerian contrarian I mean, he’s very typical of the senior cranks that gather in swarms at Tim Hortons. I’ve been very upfront with keeping him to a rigorous painting regime and there’s going to be points in the year when he’s going to want to go to the Ship & Anchor and he’s going to want to hang out with art celebrities like Chris Cran and Robin Arsenault and he’s going to want to eat a lot of vinegar flavoured chips, because he loves them, and that’s just not part of my strategy to make this year the breakout year to monetize what has so far been a failing business model.”
“But he’s got to have that balance. If I try to make him into a pro and make him be 100 per cent focused on being the best gosh darn portraitist of the Great Dominion’s political and celebrity elite, he might just bail and go back to being a studio nihilist.”
It’s a full time job “just trying to keep him normal and on the up and up. Giving him that level of normality that artist’s of his temperament have never experienced. ”
“I think all the attention he’s getting is more than he can handle, let alone any mid 70’s septuagenarian contrarian, but I’m proud that I and the dazed studio crew are able to keep him off the streets, away from white water rafting and distant from the Ship & Anchor at least on Sundays.”
Now he’s just a Court Painter with his own website and images all over Google.
Everyone is saying he’s the best. Other people are saying he can’t be beat. Everyone knows this.
Next comes the Huge $$$ payoff.