Chief of Staff

Court Painter’s newly promoted Chief of Staff , ‘won’t suffer idiots and fools gladly’ 

editors note: Numerous wardrobe changes were obligatory during the interview

Court Painter leaked July 28 that his Press Attache A Hardon MacKay, is replacing an unnamed contractor as Studio Chief of Staff.

Twelve days after Court Painter’s last commission, the Inglewood art celebrity asked AHM to meet with him at the stately Tim Horton’s closest to his studio, to discuss the roles of his present position as Press Attache and the newly minted Chief of Staff.

To prepare for the meeting, AHM was required to become familiar with the latest self authored Court Painter artist statement freshly penned by…well….Court Painter.

In a Duchampian manner, the Court Painter intimates the readymade qualities of perceived fabrication; be it an arresting works of old timers or of youthful nubile females. His painted matter swirls, drips, and fuses into psychedelic anatomies and topographies on a monumental scale, as if memorializing the uniquely human urge to prolong our physicality, mortality, and image. He further exemplifies this social compulsion through his own meticulous handicraft, as he strives to create a near-mechanically perfect image thus satisfying his most demanding clients. By addressing the threat of technology to the human touch, he pairs the anxiety and celebration of the post-industrial era to create works that are similarly binary.

Reportedly it was a small gathering. Present was Court Painter at the piano, A Hardon MacKay and an unidentified beefy yet menacingly unfit hunk of a security guard who stayed out of the picture. AHM much like a retired general, impressed the Court Painter, enough so that soon he’d consent to leave his post as Press Attache and replace himself as a newly minted Chief of Staff.

Court Painter, ever one to adhere to proper protocol, undertook to conduct a proper job interview accompanied by his piano tinkling and his sing song voice , outlined the duties and responsibilities of the position.

He explained tunefully that Chief of Staffing is much like embalming and is one profession that is recession proof. No matter what types of economic conditions are at play, a chief of staff and an embalmer can be assured that their services will be needed. Although becoming the Court Painter’s Chief of Staff  may not seem like the ideal career choice for some, AHM will find that this career choice provides employment stability, a sense of accomplishment and pride, and lucrative economic benefits that include a competitive percentage of all studio commissions.

Much like an embalmer ,the Chief of Staff would become responsible for preparing Court Painter for daily viewing at press gatherings. This includes washing Court Painter’s feet, using preservative fluids on his bald pate, performing any reconstructive or restorative services necessary, dressing Court Painter, and applying cosmetics. Daily preservation may involve either visceral embalming, in which vintage red is placed into select body cavities, or arterial embalming, in which fine red wine is pumped through the arteries. The amount used is determined largely by Court Painter’s thirst & mood that day.

Court Painter likes AHM. He trusts AHM. But what remains to be seen is whether Court Painter will listen to him as AHM seeks to bring order to a studio beset by chaos and sexual innuendo.

“I know how to do this: with common sense and good leadership,” said AHM, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to offer frank opinions.”I   won’t suffer idiots and fools gladly.”

As A Hardon MacKay moves to the West wing of the studio, he’ll likely move quickly to confront the studio operating like a reality television show that runs on a raucous mix of erotic drama, machismo and suspicion. A big piece of that will be addressing leaks of art gossip and Court Painter’s abysmal portrayal in the media.