Beware of Selfies

Police warn Calgarians not to take selfies with Court Painter

An errant Inglewood artist , identified as Court Painter attempts to lick the windshield of a parked vehicle near his studio.

It should be fairly obvious to anyone not to approach Court Painter but Calgary police drove the point home Thursday after reports surfaced that this gangly ungulate like painter was roaming in the area of Inglewood among the hipsters and neo bohemians attempting to lick the windshields of cars. Police felt it necessary to advise since this was the source of much amusement on  Facebook.

“The fact that you have to discourage people from taking selfies with Court Painter is hysterical to me. You can’t fix stupid, but thank you for trying,” shouted Chris Cran to his ungulate friend.

“Actually, it’s kind of sad ..so sad….that people have to be told not to take a selfie with Court Painter. What happened to common sense?” uttered A Girl Named Robin clutching her blind canine.

While you might not see a 70+ year old gangly animal like painter lumbering around an Inglewood intersection every day, it’s not uncommon for him to visit the side streets and offer to clean your windshield for a loonie…with his tongue!

In March 2016 he was caught trotting near the Canadian Tire in Shawnessy. He was later bribed with a Tim Hortons double double and subdued near the Superstore with plastic cuffs.

Two months later, Fish and Wildlife Art officers gave chase while Court Painter spent three hours wandering around McKnight Boulevard and northwest Calgary seeking out shattered windshields.

Authorities finally tracked and tranquillized him in Thorncliffe.

He had to be tranquilized and relocated back to his studio once again.

Sgt.Preston ,a digital communications team member on loan from the Banff North West Mounted Police detachment, understands why Facebook selfie posts would earn a few guffaws, but hopes people take it seriously.

In the case of Thursday’s Court Painter romp, officers who’d been tracking him called in the request to spread the word to rubber-necking photographers who had stopped to snap off some shots as the ungulate like painter approached yet another car with his tongue out.

“They were getting close enough where it was causing it a bit of stress,” he said.

For the masses of phone photographers out there, Sgt Preston taking a break from signing autographs had this message: “It might look like a good Instagram photo but you’re putting your selves at significant risk of harm to get it.Court Painter is particularly agitated during Stampede Week”

The warning doesn’t begin and end with Court Painter, either. “Many Calgary artists especially performers with the One Yellow Rabbit theatre group — it’s best you do not get too close, for your own sake. They have a tendency to hump your leg if they take a shine to you.” tittered Sgt Preston.

“We’re kind of a wildlife art city, we have artists of all kinds coming and going through the green spaces especially at Stampede time. Trying to get a picture of them is not worth it. They’re like wild bohemian animals and they’re going to act like wild bohemian animals.”

It is unknown if everyone heeded Thursday’s warning, but it can be confirmed no Court Painter videos had been uploaded in the Calgary area Thursday. Highly unusual since Court Painter is such a media hound.

Court Painter refused to give an interview or be photographed in his slovenly studio claiming he had the vapours.