AHM Press Attache to Court Painter is often seen on his Sunday stroll as a hunched, plodding figure with his beady eyes firmly fixed ground ward. However this Sunday he had a camera clutched tightly in his shaky left hand in anticipation of hitting the magic button with the finger of his right hand as soon as an image of delight caught his keen attention! ( this in spite of the microscopic fibres within the vitreous tending to clump and casting tiny shadows on his retina.)
Completing his stroll ,he promptly turned the images over to Court Painter for artful rendering in spite of Court Painter’s dislike of working off photographs produced by amateur shutterbugs.
The Court Painter Vestigial Digital Initiative (CPVDI) has undertaken the arduous yet rewarding task to digitize all of Court Painter painting commissions in an effort to preserve and share them with the teeming masses who have a voracious appetite for buying all kinds of stuff. This digital technology effort will make it possible to spread the message of Court Painter over land & sea & challenging terrain by promoting his precious images on fridge magnets, children’s lunch boxes, SMLXL T shirts, face masks, inner fashions, teardrop flags, fine art prints suitable for framing, indoor & outdoor posters, wedding table talkers, wedding belly bands, disposable place mats ,roller banners suitable for flying behind Piper Cubs, wrapping paper, strut cards and stickers to name just a few.
Dr. Missy Mayhem PHD an expert on all things digital has trained unpaid studio interns to scan the masterworks using a Fujitsu contactless overhead scanner. The ScanSnap SV600 scanners overhead design eliminates any contact or friction with the precious paintings being scanned. It proves to be the ideal device for such an exercise because of the delicate surface condition and age of the Court Painter works. It was also a technological leap compared to previous efforts, which used a combination of flatbed and wand scanners, stitching together photos from digital cameras.
Court Painter’s spacious studio has come alive with the hum of many types of digital printing machines, including production printing presses such as sheet-fed production printers, cut-sheet digital presses, production inkjet printers and continuous feed printers.
Investor seen with Court Painter on the shop floor
Once scanned and processed, the digital images are ready to be printed on various substrates and value added products ,ready for distribution to prestigious upper crust brick & mortar sales outlets as well as farmers markets and (get this) online.
It is impossible for the naked eye to tell the difference between the original hand crafted painting and a digital copy.
The CDVDI will operate as a public service and profit centre by making a digital record of all the painted works the Court Painter has and will continue to produce in his illustrious career as a celebrity painter who specializes in painting celebrities.
If this initiative proves profitable, Court Painter would consider skipping the messy painting part which requires a small army of apprentices and go directly to digital. Stay tuned!
The Court Painter Studio Enterprise is perfectly aware that the majority of subscribers prefer 140-280 characters of text to hold their attention., however for the historical record it is necessary to test the limits of that textual endurance and launch into a fulsome description of the significant change in Court Painter’s 2021 workplace direction for revving up the studio to maximize profitsand avoid hedge fund vultures!
For those who just like to look at pictures, Press Attache and prodigious picture picker A Hardon MacKay , has made a selection of outstanding past commissions meantto sooth the eye and create envy in the competition.
Aglance into the Court Painter’s studio a little past 6 am in the year 2021 : Fashionably masked staff arrive by a studio-sponsored Harley with a side car that features cushioned banana seats and Wi-Fi; acoustically accompanied by the familiar yet distinct boss throb of unmuffled cylinders. As unpaid studio interns social distance in single file, they are wearing weekend casual khaki, plaid jumpers and camouflage clamdiggers, even though it is a Wednesday. The studio kitchenette has green juice and kombucha growlers, which are free, as are breakfast pop up tarts and lunch in a cup. The studio is lined with easels and screens where remote portrait subjects pop up as talking heads. The Court Painter ,with his designer scarf flowing in the breeze, imperiously roller skates past everyone. Then everyone scrambles to find an easel—no one has assigned easels here— paintboxes are put down, and freshly cleaned painters smocks whipped from designer back packs are donned and finally over-the-ear headphones, and turn up the EDM to tune out the world for the next 12 hours. Everyone to a person knows they are part of a fresh art world and crushing it!
Soundslike Silicon Valley circa 2009, right? Well, surprise—this is the Court Painter Studio Enterprise in early 2021. More and more studios are adopting the art work culture invented by the technology upstarts. These are not the studios where Frieda Kahlo or The Painter of Light worked, clocking out at 5 sharp, eyeballing the corner easel. There is no corner easel here—just “creative hot spots” and open floor plans, wide as the prairie outside the window.
Court Painter’s studio used to be a sweat shop, but at least it had a clear purpose. You wouldn’t hang out next to your easel, let alone spend time there on the weekends. Then companies like Google came along and reinvented the rat race into something with purpose and, along the way, confused work with the rest of life. Now, your fellow unpaid studio interns are supposed to feel like members of a tribe. Hierarchies have been flattened, conventional job titles replaced by ones like “Banksy” and “Freida.” The vacation days are unlimited (not that unpaid studio interns ever take them). And forget about work-life balance. It’s all about work-life integration. Why else would the studio have on-site vending machines next to the nap pods with a choice of low fat nachos, organic snack boxes and $1 a bag sea salt popcorn after 7 pm?
Thesefanciful ideas were meant to liberate unpaid studio interns from the drudgery of the studio where they produce all the work and get zero credit. (that is an expose waiting to happen) Instead, Silicon Valley ruined work culture—not just for people in tech but for Court Painter’s studio. (which has an open washroom, a bring-your-low fat hot dog-to-work policy, and a cook book by the microwave where all bring your own food is free.)
The hallmarks of Silicon Valley work culture have now spread. Court Painter’s studio has its own in-office escape room full of paint by number sets and ready for team-building exercises. It has a slide that runs between the studio floor and the outside alley—in addition to the requisite Ping-Pong, foosball, and pool tables. There is a built-in meditation space, an on-call masseuse for relief from the long hours sitting at an easel, stretching canvas or cleaning brushes. Then there are the seemingly generous policies around vacation days and time off where unpaid studio interns are given the option to take two unpaid Fridays off per month . This is not just to be nice. “We think we’ll get a productivity lift from this perk,” A Hardon MacKay, the studio’s administrative human relations officer, whispered beyond earshot of the nosy staff.
The Court Painter Studio Enterprise has continued to modernize by modelling itself after a tech company, including a shift toward the agile methodology favoured in the Valley. “I have made trips to Silicon Valley, to meet with founders and investors in innovation,” says A Hardon MacKay. “I’ve brought back workplace ideas that have revolutionized our art studio practice. This has assured Court Painter can have liquid lunches and afternoon naps without being harassed by disgruntled unpaid studio interns looking for guidance on every paint stroke.”
According toAHM these workplace changes are necessary to feed the insatiable ever expanding celebrity and political portrait commission juggernaut. A juggernaut that mostly hedge fund clients continue to feed in their belief in the investment value of Court Painter’s work backed by the marketing savvy of his trusty sidekick A Hardon MacKay.
An envoy hired to defuse tensions between Indigenous and non-Indigenous commercial lobster fishermen in Nova Scotia has released a bleak interim report highlighting poor communication and a lack of trust between both sides.
The report by Université Sainte-Anne president Allister Surette found perhaps the only thing the fishermen can agree on is blaming the Department of Fisheries and Oceans for the situation.
“The lack of trust and respect has been presented to me by many of the individuals I interviewed,” Surette said in his interim report filed with Federal Fisheries Minister Bernadette Jordan and Carolyn Bennett, minister for Indigenous-Crown relations.
Surette interviewed 85 people — 81 per cent were non-Indigenous.
As a special treat to accompany this exclusive dispatch, Court Painter is taking the opportunity to reveal unrelated random pictures that never the less are considered eye candy in some circles and considered a rest for the eyes for those who grow weary of the text.
Dispatch dated January 23,2021
Court Painter’s posts became the single most influential tour de force influencing the art media of the last year, the unpredictability that came to be relied upon even as they took a mental toll on the less talented, academically burdened and flat out cerebral tricksters that populate the shaded edges of the art underworld.
Rumours of banishment are travelling halfway around the globe faster than Court Painter can get his silk slippers on.
Perish the thought, but an art world without Court Painter leaves us with a series of questions. What happens to an ecosystem like the art world when the portraitist who represents both the centre and a source of certainty in aesthetic order is banished? On top of that, what consequence does that have on patrons and his 1% client list.
Art critics and other gatekeepers of the art world are convinced that, even as Court Painter’s influence continues, not much will shift with online potential sales. However , Court Painter’s power of persuasion is sustained by his unknown subscribers and the traditional portrait painters who proliferate and grovel in the sunless shadows of the art establishment. Banning Court Painter could have the paradoxical effect of emboldening his supporters or sending them to other less classy sidewalk renderers whose talent is close to equal but obviously priced too low for a discerning clientele that Court Painter attracts.The effect on elite taste would be incalculable.
As of this posting, Court Painter remains in large measure, a digital hermit—many tech companies have made substantial offers to attract his presence and imagery, from YouTube and Snapchat to TikTok—and chances are he won’t stay ostracized for long. Modest super art stars like Court Painter usually observe the norm of staying out of the limelight and not commenting on their competition, but Court Painter is not likely to observe that norm any more than he observes other norms, his Press Attache AHM was heard to say. “To the extent that he remains an influential 19th century style creative and opinion leader for the 21 century art world, the volume might get turned up even more than we expect. So you better watch out ,you better not cry, cause Court Painter has a painter’s eye and wants a piece of that capitalist pie!”
It’sthat very sense of defiant norm-breaking that gives a dangerous meaning to his portrait studio and its leading edge implications, the lasting effects of which have extended well beyond the rough & tumble of social media. The Court Painter’s last year can best be described and understood as a “modernist art crisis, for the blue collar crowd” which makes his ostensible role in our pictorial lives on the assembly line no less complicated than before. He may on occasion take a day off , but the repercussions remain.
“I think Court Painter’s output, for a lot of studio portraitists, was a persistent stressor for the nine to five practitioners .”(anonymous)
Court Painter’s pictures were often erratic in a way that fed digital native, ruffled collar and art world uncertainty, but it has been noted that even unpredictability, when it comes in a steady-enough stream, can feel more like sureness. With the threat of having him banned, many art groupies are experiencing a new kind of instability. As Court Painter advances to centre stage and as Breaking news agencies turn their attention towards him and his platform expands, to some extent it will be a welcome change with a swelling in certainty and will come as an increase in arousal for people, whose most passionate experience is a guilty pleasure attraction to a brush wielding alpha male who alas remains forever out of reach and in a condition of the unrequited.
Tactical Fashion for the First Family in a Time of Insurrection & Transition
If you or members of your family knowingly wish to wear out your welcome by entering or remaining in any restricted building or grounds without lawful authority or engage in violent entry and disorderly conduct, you must consider your fashion choices. Here are a few!
Court Painter chooses to remain in his studio and paint fashion trends!
Disclaimer: Court Painter Enterprises is not receiving any kickbacks from the manufacturer, distributor or wearers of these fashions.
What are the elements of an ideological creation myth?
An Instruction, a Sin and the Consequence
An ideological creation myth can consist of at least one of three elements; an order or instruction from the creator to the creations, a sin and a consequence which must be faced. The consequence is often what causes pain, hunger, disease and all the other evils that plague the culture.