Teething Problems

Court Painter Ideas Shortage Forces Shutdown Of Studios

The CP Studio blames it on “teething problems” with the delayed delivery of art algorithm generator.

The closed Court Painter studio in Inglewood, Alberta

 The fast art outlet has been forced to close a raft of studios after a delayed new art algorithm generator resulted in Court Painter portrait shortages across the country and France.

Court Painter fans were in a flutter Monday after most of the Court Painter outlets in Canada and St Pierre & Miquelon were forced to close because of a shortage of ideas.

A Hardon MacKay the studio Press Attache and apologist , blamed “teething problems” with the delay of the delivery of the new art algorithm generator crucial to feeding the Court Painter with fresh ideas.

The CP Studio first apologized for the problems on Saturday. In an update Monday, stated the Inglewood studio would open “when they damn well please,” but did not say when the rest might join them.

It said those studios that remained open were operating a limited menu of miniatures and sketches with shortened hours.

“We know that this might have inconvenienced some of you over the last few days, and disappointed you when you wanted your portrait fix — we’re sorta sorry about that….this disruption in our supply chain we take very seriously ,” Court Painter explained in a delicate yet strident statement.

 When the Court Painter announced in October that he  “promised to re-write the art rule book and set a new studio benchmark for delivering fresh portrait ideas via the art algorithm generator in a sustainable way,” little did he realize that sometimes deliverology shit happens.

Crystal Blue Persuasion

Look over yonder
What do you see?
The sun is a’rising
Most definitely
A new day is coming, ooh, ooh
People are changing
Ain’t it beautiful, ooh, ooh
Crystal blue persuasion
Better get ready to see the light
Love, love is the answer, ooh, ooh
And that’s all right
So don’t you give up now, ooh, ooh
So easy to find
Just look to your soul
And open your mind
Crystal blue persuasion, mmm, mmm

It’s a new vibration
Crystal blue persuasion

Crystal, blue persuasion
Maybe tomorrow
When he looks down
On every green field, ooh, ooh
And every town
All of his children
And every nation
They’ll be peace and good brotherhood
Crystal blue persuasion, yeah

Crystal blue persuasion, aha

Crystal blue persuasion, aha

Crystal blue persuasion, aha
Songwriters: Eddie Morley Gray / Mike Vale / Tommy James
Crystal Blue Persuasion lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

White House Rumour

 John Kelly rumoured to be out, Stormy Daniels in as White House chief of staff

Accuracy and Sanctimonious Malice

A Masterpiece of artistic accuracy and sanctimonious  malice!

Editors note: This sentence makes no sense in the context of what follows however Court Painter’s Press Attache AHM is enamoured with it and insists on its inclusion.

Although all of this was in plain view, many art critics, even people of rank, spread different stories.Different people had different views as to what possessed Court Painter. Some said it was a kind of frenzy. Others claimed he was possessed by a demon or maybe even worse, the Muse.

Let us take it that this infamy happened from a natural cause. This teaches us he has failed to repress the passions of the soul, and has become dominated by them, flirting with  irreparable harm to his natural constitution.It was said that Court Painter had been damaged in a certain vein in the region of the brain by excessive imaginings, fantasies and anxieties.They say that there is the region in the brain, a very small, slender vein that nourishes the power of imagination and fantasy. Therefore when imaginations and fantasies abound in us,this little vein becomes agitated,and if it is sufficiently agitated and harmed, it ruptures, and the person falls into a frenzy of artistic insanity.Court Painter fails to set a limit, then, in his fantasies and imaginations, his conjectures and other pointless and useless cogitations thus falling into so great and irremediable a peril as to claim to be in the spasms of perdition.

Meanwhile Court Painter on most good days continues to hob nob and gallivant around with unrestrained glee and occasional gravity, exercising his social climbing proclivities wherever the company ,whatever the setting .

The following photographs released from the Court Painter archives document his seance attendance and other elbow rubbing with the chattering class!




As long as we valorize a settler mythology instead of actually knowing our history, we will remain incapable of dealing with the type of violent discourse that validates the death of a young indigenous man.

Brenda Macdougall, chair in Métis research, Department of Geography, University of Ottawa

PM Agrees to Clown School

In response to national and international outrage,brain cramps and injury to delicate funny bones suffered by numerous snowflake journalists and politicians , Justin Trudeau surrendered yesterday on the steps of the House of Commons and agreed to attend Clown School immediately in an attempt to up his game as a jokester.

The Prime Minister explained an off-the-cuff remark he made during a town hall meeting about making the word mankind more inclusive was an attempt at humour that backfired — a joke that he now appears to regret.

“I made a dumb joke a few days ago that seems to have gone a little viral in the room on the ‘peoplekind‘ comment.It played well in the room and in context. Out of context, it doesn’t play so well,” Justin added as seriously as he could for the benefit of those teetering on the verge of outrage.

“It’s a little reminder to me that I shouldn’t be making jokes even when I think they’re funny.”

He said he’s pleased to attend Clown School to work on ‘out of context’ zingers and added it came highly recommended by Canadian ambassador to Germany and special envoy to the European Union,Stéphane Maurice Dion.



Instrument of Diplomacy

Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger recently has said that the temptation to launch a pre-emptive strike on North Korea    ‘is strong and the argument rational’ ; remaining  consistent  in his steadfast support for “bombing as an instrument of diplomacy.”

He recently told a meeting of the United States Senate Armed Services Committee that North Korea poses the most immediate threat to global security, arguing that denuclearization of the regime must be a ‘fundamental’ American foreign policy goal.

During his time in office, under Presidents Ford & Nixon, Kissinger had been involved in three genocides : Pol Pot’s “killing fields” in Cambodia, which would never have occurred had he not infamously ordered an illegal four-and-a-half-year bombing campaign in that country; Indonesia’s massacre in East Timor;  Pakistan’s in Bangladesh both of which he expedited and later as a vociferous public supporter of invading Iraq.

Kissinger has been credited with being the modern architect of America’s propensity for “endless war”.