Leitch Threatens Dismantling Court Painter

Tory Leadership Contender Kellie Leitch Says Court Painter Needs To Be ‘Dismantled’

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Conservative leadership candidate Kellie Leitch is pledging to get into a scrap with the Court Painter if elected prime minister.
Leitch made the announcement in a release Thursday, one day after leadership rival Maxime Bernier outlined his plan to “refocus” the mandate of the Great Dominion’s preeminent portraitist of political personages, pontificators and prognosticators.

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“Court Painter doesn’t need to be reformed he needs to be dismantled,” Leitch said in a feisty release that showed an image with her dukes up in the famous Floyd Patterson peek- a-boo stance.(photo was not made available)

Leitch said Bernier’s plan doesn’t meet the standard of former British prime minister and conservative icon Margaret Thatcher to “roll back the frontiers of politicized face painters.”

“Taxpayers should not have to subsidize Court Painter’s studio to keep it afloat,” she said. “Just like in the free enterprise sector, if an art studio isn’t competitive and it isn’t profitable, it shouldn’t be in business.”

Like Bernier, Leitch mentioned how her favourite studios are struggling as free enterprisers and suggested it’s unfair how Court Painter chases advertising dollars while also being funded by Chinese billionaires.

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‘The Painting field is not level’

“The painting field is not level for Canadian portrait painters,” she screamed. “For Canadian democracy to thrive, we need to unleash the many portraits piling up in the free enterprise studios of the Great Dominion.”

The Ontario MP did say that she would maintain “the part of Court Painter enterprise that provides emergency portrait services to remote parts of Canada like the Inglewood district in Calgary.”

Leitch, who has based much of her campaign on railing against so-called “left wing elites” and journalists, also took to Facebook to say she was the only Tory leadership hopeful who will “stand up to the media on this issue.”

Mere days ago, Leitch took to social media to thank Court Painter for featuring her portrait in past and more recent posts.”I think he captured my soul plus I look hot,”she blushed.

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Court Painter was unavailable for comment however A Hardon MacKay his Press Attache graciously made himself available.

The press had moved on.

Book with a Twist

Chris Cran’s Apprentice is a wonderful little book which is beautifully
told and featuring one of the most amazing twists I think I have come
across in a long time.

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I think the editor is spot on when she compares the writing style in this
book to being like monkeys scribbling gibberish. It has brilliant
characterisation and a fab storyline which immerses you in the period in
which it is set in Calgary, Alberta.

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The story follows Al, a chimp with a talent for drawing and painting as he
goes on a journey into hell. He is the offspring of a father called King
Kong who is spotted for his talent by Cran who takes him on as his
apprentice and message therapist.

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His life an as apprentice is an interesting one to follow. You see him as
he learns the business from the bottom up and follow him on journey to the
legendary Court Painter’s studio so he can learn how to assist Cran a
painter himself of kittens and big eyed children. As time goes on the
chimp starts to paint his own portraits and you start to see how he has a
special twist to his talent which outshines Cran’s. As people start to
notice this gift Al’s work becomes more and more popular to the point
where he gets the attention of the Court Painter. He then receives the
honour of being asked to produce a portrait of the Court Painter. Al takes
up the challenge which gains him even more admirers but still doesn’t
understand the implication of his gift.

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The final section of the book is when the story twists after Cran
challenges Al to do a self portrait. I won’t go into what happens but will
tell you that it was very creepy and a little unsettling. Suffice to say
Cran does not come off looking like a good guy The best bit though was I
could have never guessed how the book was going to go.

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Definitely a book I would recommend and certainly one to look out for when
it comes out in January.

Editors note: A copy of Chris Cran’s Apprentice was not made avaliable from the author without a fee however Treasures of the Court Painter was offered free for this photo opportunity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alt Right Bright White

Taking advantage of his exclusive rights to make artistic use of the high-tech, light-reflecting paint Alt Right Bright White, the President Elect Donald J Trump has covered the entire surface of all the paintings in the White House with it. The result,is a reminder to all citizens and guests what an enduring tradition the Power of White has had for the world’s Greatest Democracy. The Donald acknowledges this artistic program to Make America Bright White Again is a far cry from what citizens and tourists have come to love  however he was swept in on a change vote and “change it’s gonna be.”

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“The public has had decades to interact with the old framed antiques and I felt it was time for a change,” The Donald explained. “Whereas they were symbols of a less than great America and musty dusty in appearance, I think the Alt Right Bright White versions are more about introspection, about becoming oriented to the new order, anemic perhaps however enveloped in an overwhelming void of pale nothingness that once you step back they light up the room and look… well…..Great!.”

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In spite of the President Elect’s recently acquired art lingo and existential ideas about the revamped White House paintings, the change to a dazzling lighter tone doesn’t seem to have deterred the droves of selfie-snappers. Since the artwork’s bright white unveiling , mostly pasty male tourists have been posting photos of themselves standing in front of or playfully cowering beneath their favourite newly painted white canvas. Meanwhile, locals have taken to calling them Donald’s Make America Bright White Again a twist on his campaign slogan Make America Great Again. He’s always thinkin’of the brand!

President Barack Obama opens the door to welcome Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew of Singapore, in the Oval Office, Oct. 29, 2009. (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy) This official White House photograph is being made available only for publication by news organizations and/or for personal use printing by the subject(s) of the photograph. The photograph may not be manipulated in any way and may not be used in commercial or political materials, advertisements, emails, products, promotions that in any way suggests approval or endorsement of the President, the First Family, or the White House.

“I didn’t believe my friends when they first told me that he’d covered all the White House paintings in that ultra-Alt Right Bright White paint of his,” said visitor David Duke who visited the White House earlier this week. “But he did, and they are really, really white. White as Steve Bannon’s ass on a moonlit night.”

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Trump said that he was pleased with his first public experiment with Alt Right Bright White and plans to spend the next year applying it to all paintings in the Senate and House of Representatives.
“Since before I was elected, the world had become a much darker place,except for Trump Tower which has a perpetual golden glow” he remarked. “I want the application of Alt Right Bright White to brighten things up and return this once great nation to the bright white beacon on the hill of it’s ole glory.”

 

Passed Over (Again)

Court Painter an ‘Irregular’ Canadian hoped to become a senator under new system — until he saw the ‘elites’ Trudeau chose.

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Maybe now, with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s revamped Senate appointment process, thought hot-art vendor Court Painter, whose Hot Diggity Art studio is just a few blocks away from the once bustling Calgary inner city.

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After hearing about the 21 recent appointees, the 70-something isn’t so sure anymore.

“It’s elites and bureaucrats that seem to be getting all the jobs,” he said, rather than aspiring art celebrities like me that the bohemian class can relate to.”

This image taken from a video released by Kensington Palace, London, on Friday April 29, 2016 shows Queen Elizabeth II sitting with her grandson, Prince Harry looking at an Invictus Games brochure. Prince Harry, released the video Friday promoting the upcoming Invictus Games for wounded veterans. The cast includes his grandmother Queen Elizabeth II, and Barack and Michelle Obama, who Harry had over for dinner last week. The video starts with Harry and the queen looking at an Invictus brochure when they get a video phone message from Mrs. Obama. (@KENSINGTONROYAL via AP)
Court Painter was one of the 2,700  people seeking to fill seats left empty by prime minister Stephen Harper.
The successful applicants are a distinguished bunch at the top of their field. Professors, lawyers and progressive thinkers are well-represented, but not many conservatives, engineers, tech experts, tradespeople or Court Painters.

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Court Painter describes himself as a “irregular” guy, and said he thinks Trudeau missed an opportunity to put a “handsome creative senior’s skinny ass” into one of those red velvet seats.

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Where are the paramedics, union leaders, firefighters  high school art teachers, and Court Painters he wonders?

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“People like me, who just do my artsy studio job and try to do my best for my bottom line and hopefully score a Heritage Moment on the TV set or some other new incomprehensible platform for the kids— I think I am as valuable to society as anybody else,” said Court Painter putting the last delicate brush stroke on yet another masterwork.

He says the independent advisory board that recommended five people for each vacancy, “definitely didn’t think inside the paint box.”

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“There’s a lot of people out here in the art studios of the Great Dominion however not with my qualifications or who own a hawk to deal with the studio rats..”

“If there’s ever a time in history that someone like me could have a shot, it would be now,” Court Painter sputtered aggressively. “From what they picked, it doesn’t seem like it is.”

The Senate should include people who really think about how decisions affect the studio portrait painter and the poor which are one and the same and those with “bonny fidee” fan clubs, art diplomas and well managed recreational drug habits Court Painter argued.

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Senators’ salaries are just over $145,000. They usually stay in the upper chamber until mandatory retirement at age 75. When Court Painter was asked his age he mumbled something to the effect that he was close to 75 but failed to mention which side of 75 he was on.He insisted he was 70 something and the nosy parkers out there should leave it at that!

Court Painter said if he got into the Senate, he would advocate for compulsory life classes for the Senators and portrait commissions of all the Senators and their extended families by “the Courtly One”.

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“I paint all the time, 12 months of the year,almost non stop” he fibbed.

“I hardly get paid for what I do because the rich never pay their bills. If I do nothing, I get nothing. I don’t know why I continue but the Senate appointment would have made me proud to be an even more recognized art celebrity of the Great Dominion….kinda like Margaret Atwood or Don Cherry or the Friendly Giant! Cherry must be gay eh what with those suits….”