A Contorted Tale

Fever in the mornin’ Fever all through the night!

New study confirms what you already knew: Court Painter fever is taking over Canada

Angus Reid study shows that 40 per cent of Canadians are following Court Painter on their favourite device or purchased a portrait for home or place of business

A new study says almost half the country is watching with joy the meteor like rise of the Court Painter.

A study from the Angus Reid Institute published Thursday shows that a full 40 per cent of Canadians are paying attention to this artist.

A group of angry Albertans who love Court Painter

That includes everyone from ambivalent Montrealers to Calgarians to even folks in the out ports of Nova Scotia and optimistic treasure seekers digging away on Oak Island.

Also on the up is Canadian confidence in the artist chances to be Canada’s rep at the next Venice Biennale

While Canadian interest in the Court Painter is undeniable, Canadians are split on the question of who is really the power behind his throne: Some say it may be his mysterious and reclusive manager and Press Attache A Hardon MacKay.

47 per cent of Canadians polled say that no, the Court Painter is the one, while 45 per cent say his odd but seemingly effective Press Attache pulls all the strings.

Missy Mayhem seen preening is rumoured to be the Eminence Grise of the entire Court Painter enterprise

Angus Reed even asked about Drake, known for being the Court Painters biggest fan, what he thought. Drake would only reply “The Court Painter is my Man”

Drake’s reaction when hearing that he had won the Court Painter lottery and would get a free sitting with the Master

Only six per cent of respondents believe that the press Attache AHM brings bad luck (known as “the Scottish Plague”) compared to 26 per cent who say he actually brings good luck.(known as “the Scottish Plague Lite”)

43 per cent say that, despite back rubs from Missy Mayhem, his main squeeze, the Press Attache’s existence isn’t having an impact either way.

The Angus Reid study also found that even if the Court Painter is not selected to represent Canada at Venice most Canadians following the artist are already satisfied with his exemplary behaviour ,massive talent and celebrity looks. Three-quarters of respondents said that it’s enough for the Court Painter to be the ambassador that he is and that they would vote for him if he ran for Prime Minister.

When contacted, the Court Painter deferred all queries to his Press Attache A Hardon MacKay. In a subsequent phone conversation with AHM all he would say is “We have a product… a very good product” and then slammed the receiver down muttering something about “…getting down to Bearly’s House Of Blues & Ribs on Barrington”.

A Hardon MacKay seen waiting to be served at Bearlys 

Attention: All non paying Subscribers

Court Painter insisted that I, as his Press Attache & Marketing Guru,make  you aware of some of the services offered to our preferred non paying subscribers by The Court Painter Studio Ltd. In addition to the almost daily updates of masterworks we also are offering a comprehensive private art consulting service at competitive industry rates.

As a special thank you to our subscribers on the occasion of this new service launch, is the series :Stolen Moments of   Celebrity Lives in an unsigned edition of 25,000. Based on original hand crafted paintings, Court Painter has authorized reproductions to be printed in stunning monotone: 5 stolen moments of intimacy, reenacted by two mystery celebrities who remain to this day: celebrities and mysterious!

 

COURT PAINTER ADVISORY provides independent curatorial and art advisory services for private individuals, museums, corporate elites and institutional collections. With the expertise of the Court Painter, who’s  ideas are intellectually and conceptually bold and technically accomplished , you can’t go wrong.! His aim is to facilitate the relationship between the Court Painter and collectors, institutions and art venues, thereby enabling him to offer an impressive portfolio of services for his clients worldwide at competitive industry rates.

Due to a high demand on our services, please be patient. The line is long and our expert assistants are working like monkeys

To facilitate all of your inquiries,you can be assured that we will eventually get back to you. Please leave us your land line numbers and home addresses , off and on shore bank accounts and social security numbers as we prefer to do things the old fashioned way so that you will be satisfied the old fashioned way and can then sit back with that old fashioned response  “Ahhhh!”

Editors note: Court Painter insisted on writing most of this himself…what can I say!

Basketcase

Court Painter makes the case that his former high school hoop skills as a run and gun triple threat crossover dribbler and dunker should be marshalled to sink the Warriors and swish the Raptors into the expectant heart of the Great Dominion’s wet hoop dream!

Editors note: Don’t you dare quote from this passage without express permission from Court Painter Studios Ltd.

Court Painter strikes a  poetry in motion hoopster pose

Drake enthusiastically cheering in support of Court Painter while Court Painter enthusiastically cheers him on!

Royal Pain in the ass

Court Painter very quickly dropped his basketball sideline cheering with an unknown rapper and headed across the pond with his painting kit to cover the latest royalty hijinks by the world’s best known royal pain in the ass.

Her Majesty was very kind to show the royal pain selections from the Court Painter collection which featured an American dancer and acquaintance of his royal pain.

Not so great umbrage

Michael J. Cooper  Conservative MP  represents the riding of St Albert-Edmonton . Cooper serving as vice-chair of the Standing Committee on Justice & Human Rights was removed by party leader Andrew Scheer after Cooper confronted witness Alberta Muslim Public Affairs Council president Faisal Khan Suri in a manner that was considered offensive by reading into the record a passage from the Christchurch Shooter’s Manifesto — which has been banned in New Zealand.

The committee suspended its hearing before returning to the witnesses, after which Cooper offered a tepid apology.  He said he would withdraw his comment, saying the witness should be ashamed, “but certainly not the rest of what I said.”

What got Cooper’s baby blue conservative knickers in a knot was the witness drawing a link (among others) between “conservative commentators” and the online history of mosque shooter Alexandre Bissonnette at which Cooper expressed ‘great umbrage’.

The head of the Alberta Muslim anti-racism advocacy group questioned what Cooper was doing with the manifesto. “That manifesto should not be in the hands of any Canadian whatsoever. That is the most grotesque thing that I could ever see… Why would I even want to have or read a document that somewhat dignifies and justifies the murder of 51 innocent people?”

Cooper remains in Scheer’s shadow cabinet as deputy justice  critic.

quote source: Altha Raj Huffington Post